Tara on Tour

The Final Frontier...

2007-06-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

Here we are then, opening the door on the final Tara to be placed for this project. This is the "Wish-Fulfilling Jewel", also known rather bizarrely as Tara protecting from Evil Spirits. This Tara is green and holds an emblem known as the Glorious Knot: she protects from failure in business, in projects, agriculture, from failing to implement one's aims. Within the mind she protects from worry, mental anguish, competitiveness, indecision. The perfect Tara to complete the story... and to ensure that I get to the end!

Having had such a long, protracted and uncertain journey with the last Tara, it was something of a shock to sit this one on my shrine, begin practice and - whoosh - instantly get the message about where to take her. Could almost be called an anti-climax but actually it made perfect sense once I thought about it.

This one I must take to The Salisbury Centre in Edinburgh and put her in the garden there. This whole project began there 18 months ago and it is very appropriate that, as with all good epics, I should come full circle and end the journey back where it started. There is a wonderful sense of completion in doing that.

Furthermore, The Salisbury Centre is itself undergoing a major refurbishment and the scale of this project is such that the placing of this particular Tara at this time will be of great benefit. And I feel sure that her presence there will support the many people that come to the centre for spiritual and personal growth and healing.

Quite when she gets there isn't clear just yet, but no doubt it'll become obvious very soon...

At last...

2007-06-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

By what feels like nothing short of a miracle, I have finally found a home for Tara protecting from Sickness. Or at least found the right person for the job. She has gone to Leandra, who will initially take her to France next week, and work with her there - and then very probably on to Asia in the Autumn.

Knowing that nothing is a coincidence, what has happened over the last few days must be relevant to the timing, and to Tara's choosing of Leandra.

Initially, I felt that Tara protecting from Sickness was connected to Simon, and to the relationship between myself and Simon - and that she was indeed destined to go to France. Inevitably I thought we might take her there together, but the journey has evolved in a different way. I would say that both he and I, over the last few weeks, have experienced quite a lot of "inner disturbance" both in our respective lives and occasionally between us. On Sunday, a whole load of inner disturbance played itself through my mind after Simon managed to mess up the first meeting we'd arranged together for months. In the middle of the following night, I woke up quite suddenly with a very clear mind - in fact, it was as if my ordinary mind had been taken over by another mind. A very clear one! Tara's mind? In that clarity I saw that the most loving, wise and compassionate action to take at this point in time - to stop the suffering and speed up the purification/removal of obstacles - was to give the relationship up completely. To step right out. For now. Within the mind that saw this, there was complete freedom and no desire, no attachment, no fear and no doubt. No problem! I acted on this, knowing that I probably wouldn't be able to stay in that state of mind but that it was absolutely the right thing to do.

It seems now, in the light of finishing my part of the work with this Tara, that that experience was a taste of the protection she gives in relation to inner disturbance. Preventing it, protecting from it.

Curiously, Simon went to France yesterday - just for an overnight visit, but to the place that he feels drawn to in relation to the healing/health centre he/we want to create.

And I don't think Leandra would mind my saying that she too is working with the kind of inner disturbance that relationships can provoke - and so I am really happy that Tara has been passed on to her at this point in her life, and have every confidence that both she and Tara will benefit enormously from their journey together.

Tara in Tibet

2007-06-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

The following entry has been sent by Sara Trevelyan:

"It was in August of last year (2006) that my friend Anna asked me if I would be willing to take one of her Tara statues to Tibet. I had told her that I was going on a special pilgrimage there organised by Thomas Warrior from the Shambala Retreat Centre in the north of Scotland by Findhorn. I felt that it was a great privilege to be invited to do this for her.

Tara arrived beautifully wrapped and I placed the small package on my shrine. I positioned her with care amongst my belongings and prayed that my inner guidance would let me know where I should place her. On our pilgrimage we were going to visit a number of different sacred sites in and around Lhasa. The Tara that I had been entrusted with was, appropriately, Tara who protects from political oppression.

When we landed at the airport, the sight of the Chinese guards was an immediate reminder of the political realities of Tibet. I placed my Tara in my hand. The bus sped along the road and outside we had our first views of this extraordinary country. The mountainous landscape was barren but spectacular. Alongside we could see the broad stretches of the Brahmaputra River which has its source near Mt Kailash. We drove along a modern highway - one thing which the Chinese have to their credit is that they are good at building roads. However, this has resulted in the natural protection which Tibet was afforded - through being so inaccessible and remote - being seriously undermined.

We soon drew up outside a very ancient temple called Drolma Lhakang. This temple was originally built by Atisha and is dedicated to Tara. It was my first glimpse of these extraordinarily ancient buildings with golden prayer wheels and prayer flags fluttering high above us in the breeze. Overhead was a vivid blue sky. Thomas invited us to open ourselves to feel the energies of this very special place which remarkably was one of the few monasteries left intact and to invoke Tara's blessing on our pilgrimage.

Inside it was extraordinary to see in the middle chamber a shrine dedicated to the 21 Taras and in the centre, behind a thick grill and therefore scarcely visible, was the original Tara made by Atisha. Viewing this left me filled with feelings of awe and reverence. The significance of this precious place being left intact despite the maelstrom which affected the rest of the country felt inescapably linked to Tara's blessing of protection.

I immediately felt that this was the right place for the Tara which I had been entrusted with. My only hesitation was that we had only just arrived and we had several other important temples to visit. I consulted with Thomas and he immediately said that this was the right place. I was intrigued by the suddenness and quickness of all of this as these are qualities associated with Tara. She responds immediately!

I placed her with great care underneath the Tara made by Atisha, along with a Khata which I had brought with me from Kopan Monastery. At Kopan that morning some of us had spoken to one of the monks who told us that he was from Shigatse. His parents had fled to safety in Nepal when he was a small boy. He spoke whistfully of his homeland and asked us to bring him back a piece of Tibet when we returned at the end of our pilgrimage. I was struck by the extraordinary injustice of us being able to board a plane and arrive here whereas he, a Tibetan, is still in exile and cannot return home. I thought of him and of so many others whose situation is similar, most notably HH the Dalai Lama. I thought of Tara and imagined the deep floodwaters of her compassion flowing out to the Tibetan people who have suffered so much through the catastrophe of the Chinese occupation. I also imagined her compassion flowing out toward the Chinese. What strange karma has brought them here and is there some deeper significance in all that has happened?

My prayer as I placed Tara was that this time of oppression swiftly comes to an end and that HH the Dalai Lama will be able to return to Tibet to make an active contribution to the healing of his people. It was then time to continue our journey into Lhasa. The rest of our pilgrimage was equally moving and we were able to visit several wonderful places. We did on a couple of different occasions however experience problems which could have seriously affected our visit - on these occasions Thomas encouraged us to say Tara's mantra and we all felt sure that through doing this we were able to invoke her protection - each time we did this the threatened disruption was averted.

So my gratitude is immense for having been able to participate in such an inspiring project which I hope will bring Tara's blessings to many different situations. It felt particularly special to have been invited to take her to her homeland, Tibet, at this present time when the political situation remains as intractable as ever and therefore the faith which the Tibetan people have in Tara, the mother of all the Buddhas, is of inestimable importance."

What Sara didn't know.........was that Drolma Lhakang temple is Akong Rinpoche's monastery in Tibet. Rinpoche had blessed her Tara and inspired this whole project, and Sara, through following intuition and some extraordinary synchronicity of events, was guided to leave her beneath the Mother of all Mothers! Om Tara.

Tara protecting from Sickness

2007-05-29T03:42:00.001-07:00

Finally, I think there is progress with this one! I feel as if I've been really stuck with this one, with very little happening that could be described as relevant. However, I think that's a mistaken view because a very great deal has been happening that pertains to the activity of this Tara - but it's not been possible or appropriate to write about it so far.

Since beginning the work with this Tara, I've reinstated the healing "business" I had in Edinburgh and bringing that work down to this part of the world. The business is called Tara Wisdom and offers healing and personal transformation to individuals and small groups. In essence it rests on the foundation that we are perfect, whole and complete - and ultimately already enlightened - as we are and that it is the blocks to that awareness that prevent us from being our true selves and living the lives we feel are really "ours". So, by using methods that a) focus on that innate enlightened essence and b) that dissolve the blocks, positive changes in our experience of life become natural and inevitable.

Inevitably this work will bring protection from sickness as well as improvement and sometimes cure when sickness is present. Some cures take place in the mind and although there may be no obvious change to a physical condition, the way in which an individual experiences their condition radically changes - and they become free of the suffering associated with it.

Over the past few weeks I have discovered a place in Kent, called The Seekers Trust, which is dedicated to prayer and healing. It's quite an extraordinary place, and has been running for over 80 years - founded by a healer and medium who received channelled guidance from a Frenchman, Dr Lascelles. They hold "Harmony Prayer Circles" several times a day when members of the community come together to pray for individuals who have requested help and healing. It truly is a place that testifies to the power of prayer - which I recently saw described as "the science of love".

I had also had the strong feeling that I should work with my friend Simon in relation to this Tara. There is something about him and the two of us together that generates powerful a healing energy - and something happened on Saturday which confirmed that. And which has suddenly connected me more consciously again with the link between our connection, my work and current life and this aspect of Tara.

I think she will find a home soon!

South Africa

2007-05-29T03:42:00.000-07:00

Choden is an old friend of mine originally from South Africa who became a monk about two years ago. He recently returned there on a trip with Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche, Abbot of Samye Ling Monastery, and has sent in this account of his visit:

"South Africa was beautiful and abundant. The sun shone everywhere we went, the earth felt powerful and space vast. Yet there is the undercurrent of violence lurking in the shadows; those who do not have envying and conspiring against those who have too much. Fear seemed to be etched onto people's faces. I took Tara protecting from War to Rokpa's therapy centre in Groot Marico in the northern part of South Africa and had it placed on the shrine there. For me, the significance of this aspect of Tara is that her energy and wisdom are like a protective shield warding off the lurking shadows of greed and violence - they cannot approach or penetrate the light of her awareness."

Goa

2007-05-19T10:35:00.001-07:00

Tara Protecting from Thieves was given to my friends Justin and Lizzy, who were taking their twin daughters - Tara and India - for a 5-month stay in Goa. What follows is Justin's account of his journey with Tara:

"In south Goa, there is a beach with a rocky promontory on its north side. The rocks look out on fishermen in the bay. The fishermen look out on tourists. The beach is called Patnam.

For seven months of the year Patnam is a resort. Cooks and waiters commute from Northern India and Nepal and Bangladesh. The sun shines, music seeps from stereos, tourists sip cold beers in bamboo shacks and watch their tattoos redden. There is no rain; wind whispers through palm giving only the illusion of rain. There are no clouds. Every evening the fishermen cross the bay in boats of mango wood, black and tar-stained and weighed down with Western flesh. There are no fish anymore. Industrial trawlers on the horizon have drained the seas. The tourists sit in their boats and admire the sunset. The fishermen take their money and dream of being somewhere else.

And then the season ends.

For five months of the year there is no tourism, no money; there is the monsoon, dark clouds and strong winds and rain. The sea rises, boils, beats upon the shore, and the fishermen take their boats beyond the bay. Only now, when the trawlers retire to harbour and wait out the storms, do the fish return. And so the fishermen take out their boats and cast their nets, and every year a few fail to return, lives stolen by the wind and the rain and the sea.

In south Goa there is a beach with a rocky promontory on its north side. The rocks look out on fishermen in the bay. Amidst these rocks there is now a Tara. Perhaps the sea will be kinder this year.

Justin Nimmo
February 2007

Russia

2007-05-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Tara Protecting from Weapons was given to my Russian friend Natasha last year, just before she returned to Moscow. What follows is her own journey of what happened and where this Tara took her:

"Everything in the Universe has a purpose.
There are no misfits, there are no freaks,
there are no accidents.
There are only things we do not understand" Marlo Morgan

I woke up twenty minutes before the alarm-clock rang. A few days before I had scheduled to go to the church with my mother, so it was quite an early rise. I still could not figure out what woke me at six o'clock - especially in view of the fact I went to bed long after midnight.
But that night before falling into a deep slumber I suddenly came to understand a very profound thing.... I will definitely tell you what it was that I realised but first I will describe the situation I was in at that moment.

I have been a Buddhist practitioner for 5 years, but was born Orthodox. Before I started to be involved in Buddhism, I was not a believer and went to church as much as I could to find the answer to the questions in my heart. But Buddhism helped me to re-evaluate many things about myself and the world, and through my studies I re-discovered Christianity as a wonderful religion (though it seemed to me the main message was misinterpreted and a lot of things were distorted).

This time I returned to Moscow from UK and brought with me a tiny Green Tara statue consecrated by Akong Rinpoche from Samye Ling Monastery in Scotland and that was given to me by my good friend Anna Howard. It was part of her Tara fundraising project and one of the things she felt strongly about was Tara activities spreading around the world. When she shared this idea with me, I thought it was great - she was giving little Taras to numerous people going to different destinations so that they can bring the activities symbolised by each of 21 emanations of Tara to all parts of the world. The one I brought with me was Tara Protecting from Weapons and it is usually pictured as dark blue in colour. I did not have any idea where to place her. I decided to wait and see. To a certain extent, I could not relate with the "weapon" issue. I know that there are always hazards of terrorist attacks any time in the world and there is a difficult situation in the southern part of my country (Chechnya)... but something was hampering me and I was confused and disorientated.

There has been a series of illnesses in my family recently - quite a serious disease that my younger brother has been suffering from unsettled my mother and kept her constantly on the verge of tears. For the last couple of months I haven't felt good myself and thought it might have been due to lack of vitamins and my limited vegetarian diet in this traditional family of meat-eaters. I got tired very quickly though had not been doing much since my return from the UK.

One day my mother's sister paid us a visit and suggested that some spiritual healing should be done here. And the event that was going to happen was out of the blue for me. She is a big Christian devotee and a woman who has got healing powers. After a conversation with my mother she said, throwing a sideways glance at me, that it would be a good idea for all of us to visit the Orthodox church service (the predominant religion in Russia) - an event extraordinary in itself considering my non-believing parents. There seemed to be some sense in her reasoning: as a religious person, she thought of going to church as a natural and powerful way to get rid of the influence of evil-doers and the evil eye. I smiled to myself as they probably thought I would refuse the whole idea point blank. I did not want to challenge them - and said I was eager to go, leaving all my Buddhist 'antics' for a moment.

And then the night before that, I finally realised where the tiny Tara Protecting from Weapons should be placed.

It became suddenly clear to me that a "weapon" could be figuratively anything we fight with ..... and then I thought about the WORD, either written or spoken, as the means of human communication and interrelation. "In the beginning was the Word...." and in our human realm, it became a powerful tool to influence each other's lives - to revere, to blame, to accuse, to LIE. How much misinterpretation there is as a result! Sometimes the WORD was used as an expression of love and good-will but more often it was used to decry, condemn and kill....

"WORDS CAN ONLY SEEK TO SYMBOLISE WHAT YOU KNOW, AND CAN OFTEN CONFUSE WHAT YOU KNOW"

I met a lot of people who were devotees of all sorts of different religions and among them the most intolerant were the Orthodox Christians I met in my country. Usually intolerance was based on ignorance and simple misunderstanding of the fundamentals of other religions. Most people would not see or try to understand what stood behind the words. We often think that words bear truth but actually they are not the truth itself, but only a reflection of it. We forget that the same word arising in different contexts can mean something entirely different and yet we grasp the meaning we know and transfer it to that other reality. Sometimes we just do not want to see a bigger picture because it is so comfortable to stay within our own shells, to keep on clinging to old worn-out ideas. To accept the fact that we might be wrong is frightening and distressing as what we do in our life is to protect our small egos from "invaders".

I have just remembered how Neale Donald Walsch in his book "Conversations with God" said that the Word is a very powerful energy sent into the Universe. "Everything you say is a thought expressed. It is creative and sends forth creative energy into the universe. Words are more dynamic (thus, some might say more creative) than thought, because words are a different level of vibration from thought. They disrupt (change, alter, affect) the universe with greater impact. Words are the second level of creation."

How powerful words can be! Positive as well as negative. But words still reflect our conceptual thinking and that is why words are the least reliable purveyor of Truth.

Thinking this way I wanted to do something that would stand for the idea that the real truth is unnamable. At the same time I would like people to be more aware of how they use their words.

I realised that the Tara should be placed near the Orthodox Church to symbolise the union of spirit and the mature understanding of true spirituality - and in particular of these two world religions. Buddhism and Christianity. After the service I put the little Tara in a hole in the ground under a little fir tree which was growing by the fence of the church...

I pray that in communicating with each other we remember to make our words meaningful. I pray that we are not afraid to say the words that hold true for us. And while cocooning in ever-refined searches for pleasure, I pray that we be mindful not to willingly harm a living soul with our words.

"What a piece of work is a man!"

With limitless potential yet to be realised..........

Natasha Afanasyeva
Moscow, November 2006

Zimbabwe

2007-04-25T04:24:00.000-07:00

Tara protecting from Famine and Poverty has gone to Zimbabwe. This is a country badly in need of help, blessing and protection. There is so much suffering through poverty, disease and the oppressive regime of Mugabe. The friend who has gone has been a Tara practitioner for many years and is not afraid to meet and engage with suffering: she will bring a big heart of compassion to whoever she meets. It is very difficult to expose ourselves and be exposed to suffering on a massive scale and most people, myself included, are afraid to. To be able to meet it, handle it and respond appropriately takes a strong and very stable mind. The kind of mind that training in the Dharma gives you, but not necessarily straight away.

It is quite shocking to realise how many people there are in the world suffering huge hardship and difficulties; how much disease there is, how much war, how much poverty and starvation, displacement... things most of us don't experience in the West. Sometimes the relative comfort of my own life sits uneasily on shoulders that perhaps could bear more of the burden. To be able to comfort and help people who are not in a position to do that for themselves is a very great thing.

So now I am left with Tara protecting from Sickness, and the final Tara. But the journey will not be over once these two find their homes. Tara will continue to spread her blessings throughout the world as others take small statues with them on their own journeys. Whilst this isn't part of the original plan, it's a wonderful offshoot and extension. To date, one is going to Italy, one to the Congo and one to Sierra Leone. Anyone who would like one is welcome to get in touch.

West London

2007-04-16T02:26:00.000-07:00

You don't have to travel the world to see or meet the world's population. A sunny afternoon in Holland Park, London and everyone you walk past is speaking a different language, wearing some strange outfit, looking at home in a country that is clearly not their original homeland. No one appears to think about this; there is total acceptance of one another. Really it's quite amazing when more than half the world is at war because people aren't the same. Here no one is the same, and yet there is total peace and harmony - effortlessly.

Coming to this part of London is another eye-opening experience. Such a kaleidoscope. Great wealth alongside hidden poverty; traditional establishment alongside funky, whacky fashion culture. I'm staying right beside Portobello Road, now apparently an "international institution", famous for its market stalls.

Yesterday I spent the morning wandering through Kensington Gardens, the public grounds really of Kensington Palace, home of Princess Diana. I was very struck when I visited the palace by a strong sense of the person she was and the life she lived, and why her death had such an impact. She represented a very unusual fusion of beauty and innocence, power and fragility, status and ordinariness; she brought a natural compassion and concern to many suffering people and touched many, many lives - she lived a life of enormous privilege and yet suffered herself and never forgot the humanity in people around her. She may have worn her heart on her sleeve to a degree that wasn't helpful, her hurt and anger spilling out in public attacks of the Royal Family; and she may have been looking too desperately for love and affection to have maintained stability and dignity within her private life, but she was I think a great light in the darkness of many people's lives.

I was struck too by the protection that royal status gives. Through palaces, status, position, title, material abundance, members of such a family are elevated to a degree where ordinary concerns are not the focus of their lives and they are free - if they choose - to be of tremendous service in the world. Whether they are or not must depend on motivation rather than opportunity. Handling such enormous privilege without becoming spoilt, degraded or indifferent to others takes a level of training and education that is easily overlooked by those who simply envy the material aspect of this life. Carrying the projections of so many people and being expected to turn up and preside over so many events.... not an easy job.

So - I am in another world again. Continuing to focus on Tara and in particular Tara protecting from Sickness and inner disturbance. As the practice has deepened with this one, so it is emerging that her main activity relates to the kinds of sickness caused by environmental problems. Cholera, typhoid, malaria, dysentry, plague: diseases that aren't a big problem in the west on the whole, but are responsible for high mortality and epidemics in other parts of the world. It no longer seems appropriate to take this Tara to France, but I remain open-minded and will see what arises as the journey with this Tara continues....

Letting Go

2007-04-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

Today has been a teaching on letting go. There is something about Samye Ling that exposes you to yourself, that peels back the layers and sticks pins in the parts that you like to keep hidden. It's very uncomfortable and there are times when you feel like you could be going slightly crazy - this morning was one of those times. After a night of interruptions and a lot of wakefulness as a result, I got up grumpy and mildly resentful of my friend sleeping in the room above: so I decided to go for a morning run. Helpful, but because your energy moves more quickly as a result, the mind can also shift very quickly between different states - so by the time I was at Samye Ling, I was feeling really annoyed and claustrophobic: aware that the strong habit people have to cling to each other shuts life down and creates strange control dramas. I can do it, but others can do it too. Perhaps we all do it to greater or lesser degrees - often unconsciously and always with fear and insecurity at the root.

Whenever i feel "trapped" by someone else's need or expectation, i get anxious - and confused and guilty. Which sooner or later develops into resentment and anger and the need to get the hell out. The original fear is that, if I don't play the game that they are unconsciously imposing, I expose them to their anxiety and get a whole load of shit as a result of that.

I'm sure it works the other way around too. That I can impose control within a situation or relationship in an attempt to make it behave the way i want it to, to feel secure, to feel the ground beneath my feet and a sense of relaxed confidence and assurance.

Last night, in the middle of the night, I had a strong experience of absolutely not being who i think i am. The memories, thoughts, ideas of "me, Anna" were like wallpaper: a thin veneer that creates a whole impression and seems to be all there is, but in fact the truth behind the wallpaper is where i really need to look to know who i am. Looking behind the wallpaper, there was plaster and a brick wall....and then there was huge empty space. The vastness and emptiness of who i really am (and you really are) was a relief, a surprise and yet incredibly familiar. Everything that I think i am is just an attempt to squeeze shape into this space and hold onto that shape for dear life. Agony!! Pointless and futile.

Nevertheless, coming into relationship with that vast emptiness is a bit scary once you leave the safety of the four walls where that experience showed itself. You sort of realise there's no self to protect, but the self is still there - and makes its presence felt through various antics. Behaviour at this point could become psychotic!! simply because the self needs to make its presence felt in larger and more extreme, desperate ways.

The secret of course is to relax - and to breathe. And to keep letting go. Keep letting go of the feelings that crash in, of the impulses to act stuff out. Keep relaxing into the space of being no one, not who you thought you were. A bit of sadness, of grieving the loss of something familiar; a lot of unknown stretching ahead; give up the dreams, the stories; the attempts to be someone, have something, reach somewhere.

Someone rings that i don't know, whose obviously annoyed with me and leaves an aggressive, demanding message. I want to make sure I don't do what he says. Don't give in to his demands. I feel challenged by his attack.... and a bit scared. Then i try to put into practice what i've been studying this week: breathing in the negativity and allowing it to transform within the tender heart that lies behind the reactions. Abandon fear, abandon anger, abandon pride.... how can i make this person happy and at peace without becoming a doormat? It seemed that the right response involved a serious amount of fearless letting go - on many levels. So I tried it: it hurt, but only because of the attachment; and I was amazed at how quickly this stranger changed from aggressive tyrant to open, friendly young man. Almost instant. What a teaching. What a teacher! I felt shaken afterwards and tearful, but only because i'd experienced how strong i can hold on, and how much letting go is an answer that i resist... and how truly "nothing" i really am and need to be in order to be free.

Healing Emotions

2007-03-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

This subject is worthy of a book in itself, but just a few thoughts here. When emotions stir, they affect the whole of the mind and body, and the stronger they are, the more disturbance they create. Dealing with our emotions in a healthy way can be difficult - and first of all we need to know how to do that.

Buddhism emphasises a peaceful way of life, and this has sometimes been misunderstood as NOT having any emotions - or thoughts for that matter. Becoming some kind of blank slate that wanders through life unaffected and unperturbed by anything. Whilst becoming increasingly stable mentally and emotionally is a definite goal, and result, of practicing Buddhism correctly, this is not attained through suppression or denial of emotion or thought.

Emotions and thoughts are hard to separate. Have you ever cried without a whole storyline accompanying the tears? Or shouted in anger without a whole list of reasons why you're angry? We have a strong habit of taking our emotions very seriously in the West: the pendulum swinging from the Victorian refusal to acknowledge or express emotion to the more recent tendency to "let it all hang out"... and then find someone to blame and probably take them to court and sue them.

Within Buddhism, we are taught to take our emotions more lightly. And to find ways of bringing our emotions "onto the path", of developing compassion through them, as well as a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. Emotions are described as clouds that pass across the sky, temporarily obliterating the sun - which is our true nature. When we caught in the drama of the clouds, we enter confusion and a lot of suffering. If we can stay a little detached and observe the drama, whilst remembering that it will all pass and doesn't have to "mean" anything at all, then we are more likely to return to peace quickly, and handle the situation provoking those emotions more calmly and skillfully.

Emotions are never regarded as bad things. They arise. They are part of our experience. Acting them out can cause problems - just as repressing them can. We have to find the middle way. Feel them, accept them and use them. Being able to open to them is easier for some than for others; they can be overwhelming and often they are very painful. This is why we want to get rid of them: either by throwing them onto someone else (shouting, blaming, etc) or by ignoring them. Both of these methods create tension, stress and suffering. If we can open to them without resistance, then they become a source of great wealth, of a great sense of homecoming.

There is a term in Buddhism called "bodhicitta" - the awakened heart. Without bodhicitta, there can be no real progress in spiritual understanding or development. So bodhicitta is really very fundamental. Through the arising and opening to our emotions, we directly connect with our heart. When we feel pain, in whatever form, just as it is without DOING anything to it or explaining it in any way, we find ourselves directly in touch with something very tender in the heart of our being. Very tender and very soft. This is the source of our compassion and understanding. For ourselves, for others, for the relative truth of suffering which all beings experience. It is this softening around our emotions, or in the face of someone experiencing strong emotion, that allows the emotions to subside of their own accord. And which allows the real connection to take place: a connection that has often been missing and whose absence is often the very reason the painful emotion is there in the first place. We are all looking for connection and love. Because that is the truth of our being. We are looking for ourselves, looking for that love that is already at the very heart of ourselves.

As we develop, there is a very particular practice called "tonglen" that is simple and immensely powerful in its ability to transform emotion. In many positive visualisation techniques, we are taught to breathe in and imagine good things coming in, and to breathe out pain and suffering. In "tonglen", we do the opposite. We breathe in all the suffering and negativity and breathe out all the joy, love and peace. This is only appropriate once bodhicitta has arisen, but at this point, the tender heart is so completely capable of transforming any pain and suffering quite naturally and without effort INTO compassion, peace and love (joy if you're lucky - that tends to come a bit later!) that this is simply the most effective way of dealing with suffering - our own or anyone else's. This technique will erode the ego, and since the ego is the whole cause of suffering in the first place, it can only lead to greater and greater freedom and happiness.

Healing Tara

2007-03-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

Invited into this space now is Tara protecting from Sickness, whose function is very similar to that of the Medicine Buddha. Sickness and disease are outward signs of imbalance within the body's elements; inner disturbance is harder to see but causes just as much and sometimes even more suffering. This Tara protects us from the causes and conditions resulting in disease and sickness and from fears related to them.

She is described as being yellow-green in colour, and as holding the same emblem as the Medicine Buddha: the healing arura plant.

In our world at the moment, there is a lot of sickness and disease, both physical and mental. And increasingly environmental. Within the Buddhist view, these are brought about through imbalance in the elements. All form comes into being through the "coagulating" of the 5 main elements: earth, water, fire, air and space. All disharmony within that form is caused by disarray amongst those elements. Strengthening and restoring balance between the elements gives us the best protection against disease and sickness, on every level - and whether that means balancing and strengthening the elements within our environment, our bodies or our minds, it doesn't matter. The methods relating to each one may be different, but the basic intention is the same.

One of the hardest things about this Tara journey is that i have to relate personally and directly to each of the fears, and use my own experience as the material to bring to consciousness, trusting the transformation that occurs through working with that particular Tara. Through working with myself, I hope to understand others more deeply, to understand the human condition more fully and so to bring benefit to others, and to myself. There is no point pretending i'm above and beyond all of these fears and problems. I'm not, but I have found a way to work with them that seems to make a real difference, and my wish through this writing is to pass that on to anyone who feels a connection with this work.

So - today - I woke up feeling pretty terrible, with lots of inner disturbance! All in the form of anxiety, which dissolved as the morning wore on into real sadness and an unstoppable flow of tears. The thoughts that accompanied this experience were: "i've given up so much to do this work and sometimes i wonder if it's worth it. My money is running out; i have no home; i have no deep place of belonging; no person to belong with at the deepest level of "earth". i fell in love with and still love someone who i'm too far away from. i'm doing what i'm doing for the bigger picture of love, but if it's making me so unhappy, what am i really doing?" Right now it doesn't help to know that homes, relationships, money are all impermanent anyway. They may be, but on the earth element level of basic security and happiness, they have their place and are important. Of course they can each bring problems and are not solutions in themselves, but they are visceral and they are to be worked with - not denied and avoided.

So I guess, examining this, the element that is out of balance here is the earth element. And if I am to bring Tara protecting from sickness into play, this is the element we will have to work with. i'm not quite sure what this is going to mean, but i open myself to discovering and implementing the healing path.

Enough for now.

Medicine Buddha

2007-03-27T02:00:00.000-07:00

After the Medicine Buddha empowerment given by Akong Rinpoche in Edinburgh, healing has come to the forefront of my mind again. Within the Tibetan tradition, all medicine is created and viewed spiritually as well as physically. All sickness and disease begins with disharmony in the elements of the body, which is generated through physical or mental imbalance within the mind and/or outer environment. The greatest physicians in Tibet are usually "khenpos"; these are people who have very high levels of scholastic ability and accomplishment, often completing up to 15 years of study in Buddhist philosophy before such a title is conferred. Training in Tibetan medicine is additional to this.

The karmic causes and conditions for disease and sickness are impossible for the ordinary mind to know, but a highly realised Master will see not just the "display" of the sickness itself very clearly, but what has given rise to it in the first place. Any medicine prescribed will often be a combination of physical substances and treatments (herbs, acupuncture, certain exercises) and spiritual practices. Dorje Sempa, for example, for the purification of negative karma and its associated obscurations; Medicine Buddha for healing; Tara for fear; White Tara for long life. Any practice that works directly on the mind and how the mind is contributing to or causing imbalance will be advised. Occasionally spiritually blessed medicine, known as "dutsi", will be given. Dutsi consists of over 100 herbs ground into tiny grains over the course of 7-days when prayers are recited by one or more realised masters 24 hours a day. The positive benefit of taking dutsi is said to be very great indeed.

I am staying at Samye Ling now, where by good fortune both Rinpoche and Lama Yeshe are in residence at the same time. Yesterday was Medicine Buddha day and the monthly puja was held in the recently consecrated Medicine Buddha shrine room at the top of the temple. I'd not been there before and doing the practice in a room dedicated to the Medicine Buddha was a happy experience. Someone had put my name down on the list of people to pray for, and it was something of a shock to hear my name being read out! So there i was, having been invited to sit up with the senior sangha, falling off this illustrious perch into the humbling and strange experience of praying for myself as a sick person!!!

The Medicine Buddha has also "empowered" my healing work and development, and this year is no exception. Many ideas and insights are arising, both in terms of working with the healing energies of Tara in particular, and in terms of developing the healing channels through Reiki. It's time to do Reiki III.

Meanwhile, the work with the next Tara - Tara protecting from sickness and inner disturbance - has started....... more next time!

Holy Island

2007-03-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Tara protecting long life and spiritual practice was placed on Friday morning up at the retreat cabin on Holy Island built for HH Karmapa. I arrived on the island on Wednesday, travelling easily and quickly from Ardrossan to Brodick on the Arran ferry, hopping on the bus down to Lamlash and then taking the little boat over to the island. From Arran, the island is clearly visible, rising up like a great mountain from the water. Protected by its proximity to Arran at the north end, the short crossing to the island takes place on a regular basis during the summer months, but perhaps only twice a week during winter. Volunteers were waiting to greet us, rushing to put down the wooden jetty, but it took a couple of attempts to bring the boat close enough to the jetty. Walking up to the Centre for World Peace and Health, eight small stupas line the path and remind the visitor of the Buddhist presence on the island - a presence that is very discreet and subtle once you're inside the centre.

The island itself is a rare natural haven for wildlife and a great deal of work has already been done, and continues to be done, to preserve the island's delicate ecology. The Centre itself has been designed to have minimal impact on the environment - solar panels, reed beds, organic gardens and proposed wind turbines all reduce energy expenditure; whilst the planting of native trees and the clearing of invasive non-indigenous plants enhance the original habitat.

The walk to the retreat cabin stretches from one end of the island to the other; and at first light on Friday, I set off with Tara in my pocket, listening to the high screetch of seagulls as I wandered along the rocky path saying mantras and watching the oystercatchers scuttling along the beach, the Soay sheep clambering up and down the rocks, the calm waters of the bay lapping gently at the water's edge. The south end of the island is much more exposed and in high winds, it's virtually impossible to walk that far - but today it was calm and mild and there were no problems. Except that I missed my footing on one rock and sunk deep into the mud at one point.

As you approach the south end, you pass a series of rock paintings: first there is White Tara, then Green Tara.... and then some of the founders of the Kagyu lineage, namely Marpa, Gampopa, Milarepa. The lighthouse at the south end comes into view and a collection of converted cottages: this is now the women's retreat centre and has recently hosted the first traditional long-term retreat for women in Britain. Beyond the perimeter of the fence and the path turns sharply to the left and begins to make the steep ascent to the top. A few hundred yards along the path, a small private path winds its way up to the retreat cabin.

Reaching the cabin, I turned round and stared at the view across the sea, with the southern tip of Arran visible to the right of the island. The sense of space, of light, of emptiness was immense - it was the right place for a meditation and retreat cabin. Through the little gate and into the garden, I was amused to see the name "Wisdom Palace" etched in wood at the entrance to this large but very simple wooden hut. Who needs material riches to live wealthily?? It's all in the mind.

Having done three koras of the cabin, I planted Tara in the centre of the little stone garden. May Karmapa's life be protected and may his wish to do retreat on Holy Island be fulfilled quickly and without obstacles.

Edinburgh

2007-03-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

I arrived last week in Edinburgh and had to deal with one or two unexpected things within the first 24 hours - which were upsetting and shocking, but which provided emotional material to transform as quickly as possible through the blessing of Rinpoche's visit here.

Attending the Green Tara empowerment at the Botanical Gardens was very helpful; as was the following day's Medicine Buddha empowerment at the Royal College of Physicians. This was a real "first" and a great honour for Rinpoche to be invited to host a traditional Tibetan spiritual ceremony in the hallowed halls of a very conservative "temple to Western medicine". It was a beautiful space: very ornate and full of history, a gathering place for the most learned and accomplished of doctors and physicians of this part of the world. Very appropriate for this particular ceremony, and we were all moved by the meeting of Western and Eastern medicine on this occasion.

Being back in Edinburgh feels temporary. I didn't want to leave last summer, but I did leave - and the emotional ties here are largely gone. Some unfinished business with one or two people, and always the pleasure of spending time with dear friends, but no sense of belonging here anymore.

I'm going to Roslin this afternoon - the famous chapel thought to be connected to the Knight's Templars and the Magdalene line. I love it there. Very particular spiritual energy, which is hard to describe but is definitely "feminine" and quite earthy. Roslin is said to lie at the crown of a strong earth-line that runs down through France and ends/starts at the pilgrimage centre of Santiago de Compostela in Spain. Since France has emerged as the destination for Tara protecting from Sickness, it is good to have the opportunity to go to Roslin at this point.

Long life

2007-03-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

The retreat is complete and I am now on the road again, ready to place the last 4 Taras. White Tara merged with Tara protecting from Untimely Death and I am taking this Tara to Holy Island, Arran.

Holy Island is a very special place; once the home of a Celtic Christian hermit, St Molaise, it has a long history of spiritual practice and protection. It was bought by the Buddhists a few years ago, after the owner of the island had a vision from Mary instructing her to sell the island to the Buddhists. Lama Yeshe, meanwhile, Abbot of Samye Ling, Retreat Master and now Director of the Holy Island project, had a vision whilst in retreat in the States of an island that he would once be custodian for. When he visited Holy Island, he recognised it as the island he had seen in his vision.

Down at the south end of the island, the former lighthouse cottages have been converted to a women's retreat centre. The first group of women ever to do the traditional 3-year, 3-month long retreat recently completed their time and the centre is currently hosting individuals doing shorter retreats until the next big one in 2010. High up on the hillside above the women's retreat, a special cabin has been built for His Holiness Karmapa - who has expressed a particular wish to do retreat there. This is the destination for this particular Tara.

En route, I am spending a little time in Edinburgh, arriving (by chance if you believe such things) in time for Akong Rinpoche's weekend of teaching, talks, visits and empowerments to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the founding of Samye Ling. There will be a Green Tara and Medicine Buddha empowerment - which should re-charge the spiritual battery big style!!

All told, this feels like the final leg of the journey - and with just 4 more Taras to place, the end is in sight. May all beings benefit!

Retreat

2007-02-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

I've just come to the end of the third week of this month's White Tara retreat - this was definitely the most intense so far, partly because of what was coming up in my mind, but also because I chose to do it under much stricter conditions of near-complete silence and solitude. I used to think retreat was a blissful haven, an escape from the world, a time of peace and carefree joy. I think it probably is if you've made a lot of spiritual progress, but for the likes of ordinary samsaric beings like myself, it can be a rough old ride. A bit like a trip to the dental hygienist....

The reason being that, without the usual distractions of life and because of the purity of the practice (the lineage, the prayers, the deity's blessing), a great deal of CRAP gets exposed!! Happily this is the very point of retreat, and indeed of practice, but it can get very uncomfortable and downright painful. The secret is to keep going. Trusting that in doing so, all this dug-up material will gradually transform into the positive qualities of wisdom, understanding, compassion.

So last week I had to confront lots of difficult, sticky stuff around relationships - and particularly around having children. I have found myself in the early stages of what could definitely be described as a relationship, and the issue of children has already come up. When asked if I wanted them, interestingly I really didn't know. Couldn't find an answer. Except to feel that this was a massive block of fear.

So - into the silent week to meet that fear.

On the way, I looked into why it is I mistrust and fear relationships so much - and experience them as confusing and painful things as often as I experience them as rich, rewarding, happy things. "A Course in Miracles" gave me the answer ... put into words the emotional realisation I've gradually had over the years but not been able to articulate clearly. It seems that most of us seek "dream relationships", and as soon as we are in one, or meet someone we are very attracted to, a whole drama kicks off. This is basically an ego-drama: the ego gets very attached to the object of its "affection", dreaming dreams of happy futures, of security within its "special relationship". The problem is that, if the ego's dreams aren't fulfilled, it gets very angry and the love turns to hate in a matter of seconds, Mr or Miss Wonderful is suddenly blacker than the devil him/herself, accused and blamed, attacked and rejected. The ego does not love at all. It uses another person to prop itself up, and if that other person doesn't comply, there's all hell to play.

I see that dynamic in myself - perhaps to a lesser extreme than might be in the crazed jealous ex-lover who decides to kill the person they love so no one else can have them - but it is there nonetheless. And every time I see it in myself, I know I am harming the other person.

It's very, very uncomfortable to observe and own up to this. But it explains a lot of the insanity that comes over me, and many other people, as soon as the prospect or reality of a dream relationship appears. I can contain it better than I could, but it's still there -

However, all is not lost!! It seems that, although trying to make these dream relationships work is doomed to failure - if you're lucky. If you succeed, it's likely to end up being a really destructive, unhappy scenario - this does not mean that relationships should be abandoned and discarded. They can be transformed. They can be made "holy". This seems to come about naturally as a result of the spiritual journey we undertake for ourselves, where we seek to overcome the distorting, damaging impact of the ego and open ourselves to the real love inside. Which is not dependent on anyone else for its happiness or peace or security. It is what is there already - and it is something we can share with another. To really love is to be secure within oneself, unattached in terms of needing another, and therefore open to who they really are - and what they do, whether we like it or not. We don't lose ourselves in another in the vain hope that we will be complete through loving another... we are already found and so the other is always and eternally free. Just as are we.

So these fresh insights help me to come back to some senses as I embark on another new relationship. A little more aware and perhaps able to pre-empt some of the dangers and pitfalls rather than hurl myself headlong into them. we'll see.

Meanwhile, the issue of children.... another day. Interesting one!

None of this of course has very much to do with Karmapa himself, and protecting his long life! Except that whenever any of us do practice and overcome a few more of the obstacles that obscure realisation/enlightenment, he is fulfilling his purpose in being here. He is here for us. Having attained enlightenment there is no further need for him to be here for himself; he is here because of the promise to help beings to enlightenment, to alleviate suffering and its causes. Ultimately we are all responsible for our own enlightenment, but with the blessing and help of beings such as Karmapa, we are going to make much swifter and more certain progress. In doing this retreat for Karmapa, I have come to realise how much more he is doing for me - without perhaps even knowing that I exist.

White Tara

2007-02-15T06:17:00.000-08:00

White Tara is, strictly speaking, not one of the 21 Taras. Like Green Tara, she arose from the tears of Avalokiteshvara, Lord of Compassion, but she is rather different. More associated with spiritual life and spiritual practice, she is perhaps more "enigmatic" and harder to connect with than Green Tara whose activity is direct, dynamic and more engaged in worldly life. White Tara bestows long life. Sometimes known as "Tara who cheats death", there are many stories of how she has prolonged life expectancy, and it is said that those who fully realise White Tara never die. Whether this refers to maintaining life in the one physical body, or attaining a level of realisation that no longer identifies with the physical self and so is free from the suffering within the cycle of birth and death, I'm not entirely sure. Be nice to find out!

Although White Tara is distinct from Green Tara, within the pantheon of 21 Taras, we find Tara protecting from Untimely Death. She is white in colour, and holds a vase of longevity: she protects and maintains a spiritual life and will establish the right conditions - be they health, prosperity, a peaceful environment - for spiritual practice and activity.

Back in January, I heard that His Holiness Karmapa had issued a statement saying that in 2/3 years' time, there would be obstacles to his life - and to the life of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. To help avert these obstacles, we were asked to protect and save life wherever possible, and to avoid killing. This helps to establish causes and conditions for long life. In practical terms, we were asked to eat as vegetarian a diet as we could.

It was whilst doing a session of White Tara prayers soon afterwards that I had a strong wish to do a month's White Tara practice for Karmapa. Having asked Ringu Tulku's permission and received his blessing, I began on 1st February.... and so am just over half way through. Several days into the retreat, I realised Tara protecting from Untimely Death was relevant to this practice and that, by "merging" them, the blessing of both increased. A couple of days ago, the inspiration to place this 18th Tara came: I will take her to Holy Island, Arran, where a retreat house dedicated to Karmapa has already been built and which awaits the time for him to come and do retreat. Karmapa himself has expressed a particular wish to do this.

Meanwhile, tonight I start a 7-day period of silence and solitude: intensifying the practice and undoubtedly bringing to the surface some fears and demons for liberation! Amongst other things, I have met a rather wonderful man who - through simply being who he is and perhaps because of our connection - is bringing me right up against a "growing edge", and represents somehow an opportunity to go beyond old patterns of denial, of misery in relationships, of non-commitment. It's painful to meet the swirling vortex of these patterns and I'm grateful for this opportunity to release the negative energy locked in them and open to the light. Not sure how much progress I'll make, but White Tara willing.....

That's it for now.

Today

2007-02-08T05:22:00.000-08:00

Tara on Tour

Oh dear.... it's been nearly 3 months since the last entry. I've been working in the local pharmacy and not found the right time/mental space to sit and write. Apologies to all those following the story of Tara's travels, who may have felt I'd abandoned everything. Not at all: the Taras have been sent out on their various missions....

Tara protecting from Lions has gone to Kerala, India - to join Sarah Mahoney in an ashram out there.

Tara protecting from Snakes was a very unexpected placement. "Snakes" refers to all forms of poisons and toxins, as well as to scorpions, snakes themselves and other animals whose venom can harm or kill. Within the mind, this Tara protects from wrong views and from dullness of mind. Working in a pharmacy, you see quite a few drug addicts who are trying to come off heroin and are on prescription methadone. There was one customer in particular, a young girl, with whom I felt a lot of connection. She seemed very bright and switched on: someone who had a real future if she chose it. She was a known shoplifter and one particular day came in when the pharmacy was busy and moved swiftly round the shelves, picking up items and pocketing them or putting them back. It's quite an artform! The pharmacist confronted her and she pleaded innocent, got upset and flushed and left in a hurry. There was no question looking at the CCTV that she had been shoplifting. Within the pharmacy, we were all divided as to what to do. Should she be banned? Should she be given another chance? It was decided to give her another chance.... to tell her what we knew, what evidence we had, and to make sure that when she came in, she sat within view, took her medication and left. She still denied shoplifting, but agreed - and there appeared to be no further problems. I was very surprised to get the internal message during Tara practice that I should give Tara protecting from Snakes to this girl. Not a particularly easy task actually, since there are always so many people around and anyway, what on earth would she think??? So I prayed that Tara remove any obstacles to my doing this if this was her real wish. It took two days. That particular afternoon, she came in early and the locum pharmacist just happened to be out for about 15 minutes. Everything was quiet - no customers. No other colleagues. No one. It was bizarre and I couldn't ignore the significance of this. So, with heart pounding, I took Tara to this girl and gave her. She looked surprised, bemused and then read the card and smiled warmly and happily. Job done. So I pray that Tara will help her and work with her to overcome her addiction and find a new, positive direction in her life.

Having given this Tara, the time had come for the most wrathful emanation of Tara - Tara protecting from War and from the darkest, most negative forms of mind and behaviour. Wrathful Tara is black in colour and sits with hair flaming, holding a phurba (a ritual dagger that cuts through illusion and negativity) directly in front of her heart. I have to confess I was a bit nervous about this one. Given that she protects from genocide, black magic and the worst kinds of atrocity imaginable, I didn't know where this one would lead me. In fact, it was very straightforward. She has gone to Africa, with Choden and Lama Yeshe, and will be left either in Zimbabwe or in South Africa. As I write this, I remember that I gave my phurba to Lama Yeshe after I'd finished a month's retreat under his guidance. Lama has been the most wrathful teacher in my life; cutting ruthlessly through so many of my dreams and throwing me out of the monastery on more than one occasion for inappropriate behaviour with certain monks. I shouldn't be saying this, but it was true. I was in love on both occasions and firmly committed to the belief that there was nothing wrong with loving someone, or being with someone - and that sometimes relationships were every bit as spiritual as monastic life was. More so, at times. Not a problem. Except these two men were both monks at the time - with life vows - and being with them meant breaking a commitment that is not undertaken lightly in the first place and that is considered infinitely more precious than any relationship with a woman. Looking back, I cannot believe I was so naive, and so headstrong - but the karma involved in these situations was overwhelming and in a way I had no choice. There was right and wrong in my view and behaviour. And there has perhaps been no teaching more direct or more personal than the one I received through these experiences, and in relation to Lama Yeshe. I went through utter hell. Lama put me there. That was how I saw it, but perhaps he just put me right into the heart of the fire that was burning me up in hell anyway. For all the pain and devastation, persecution and some false accusations, there was something deep between myself and Lama Yeshe - and eventually, after many years and many tears, a few arguments and a determined refusal to "leave" or give up, all the negativity passed away and something very different took its place.

So - whilst he is not directly responsible for the placing of this particular Tara, it is very appropriate that he should be travelling with her. Choden is one of his monks, and a close friend of mine - with whom I shared a cottage in Edinburgh during the turbulent months he spent trying to make up his mind whether or not to go back and take robes. Oddly, for all that I had felt that the monks I had loved should leave their robes, I had an equally strong feeling that Sean should become a monk again. Which made me feel less of a monastery-wrecker. Sean (now Choden) is South African and knows the story of that land. He also has a strong connection with Tara and is very much the right person for this job.

Which brings me to the one I am working with now. Tara protecting from untimely death. She is very similar to White Tara, who bestows long life, health, merit and wisdom. Tara protecting from untimely death also protects from any opposition to spiritual practice, and to maintaining a strong spiritual life. A curious thing has happened in relation to this one. White Tara and this particular emanation of Green Tara have merged into one. On hearing that Karmapa warned that there were obstacles to his life, I was inspired to do some White Tara prayers..... during this session, there came a kind of strong intuition/wish/message that I should do a month's White Tara retreat for Karmapa. I approached Ringu Tulku who gave his blessing and had 10 days to give up my job and prepare myself and the house for a month's retreat. It all fell into place and happened easily and quickly.... and that is what I am currently doing. Sitting with White Tara and the emanation of Green Tara protecting from untimely death.

It is a great blessing and joy to do practice like this - and I wish all of you reading this the blessing of this practice too. If you wish to bring it more alive, you can recite the mantra and visualise good health, healing, positive conditions and long life coming to you and to anyone you would like to pray for:

OM TARE TUTTARE TURE MAMA AYU PUNYE JNANA PUSHTIM KURU SO HA

India and Nepal

2006-11-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

Tara on Tour

This is just a quick entry: mostly because I'm conscious I've not written for ages - and if I don't keep writing, the story may just fizzle out half way through!

Two more Taras are on their travels.

Tara protecting from Thieves has gone to India. She is with Justin and Lizzy Nimmo - and their twin daughters, India and Tara. This is a lovely story. Justin is one of my brother's closest friends, and he's one of the most outrageous characters I've ever met. Lizzy I had only met once when I was told that there were possible complications with her pregnancy, and she was very stressed. One morning I woke up with a really strong urge to get in touch with her: this urge felt directly connected to Tara, and so I took the plunge and wrote a letter........ putting aside ordinary concerns about interfering in someone else's business.

It was the most amazing feeling to hear that, when the twins were born, Lizzy and Justin decided to call one of them Tara.

Very appropriate, then, that one of the little Taras should be travelling with them in India - where the whole family has gone for a few months. Where they place her, and the story that unfolds around her, I look forward to.

Meanwhile, Tara protecting from Wild Elephants has gone to Nepal with my friend Sky. Sky is going first to Bodhgaya for a retreat, then to the Kagyu Monlams over Christmas, and then plans to do some volunteering - and pilgrimage. One place she will be visiting is in Nepal - the site of a rock where an image of Tara has spontaneously appeared. This "self-arisen Tara" is credited with strong blessing power, and I pray she guides and inspires Sky on her journey placing this Tara.

So - now there are only 7 remaining Taras to place. The one that I am working with now is Tara protecting from Lions........

Whilst I do my part-time job working in the local pharmacy in Blackheath, and look after/live in a beautiful house for a few months. Trying to save a little money!!

Sorry for the long silence; I'll try not to leave such a gap.....

Powerful Tara

2006-10-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

This Tara is now merged with Amma!

I went back to see Amma on the last day of her visit to London; I bumped into several friends and the day gradually turned into the evening and the plan to stay for a couple of hours was lost in the reality of being in the presence of a truly divine being. On the last day of her visit, she offers puja (worship) followed by Devi-Bhakti Darshan: this is where she dresses in a goddess costume and performs her usual hugging darshan in this dress within a golden canopy on a throne under a golden umbrella. There is a wealth and richness - an overt divinity - about this that sets it apart from the more ordinary, simple ceremony when she is dressed in white sari and sits lower down. I don't suppose there is any difference in the quality of the darshan - I truly believe she is inseparable from divinity the whole time and there can be no "less/more" comparisons within that.

By virtue of sitting outside to have a sandwich, I ended up being at the front of the queue for puja - which meant sitting right beneath Amma. Had my friend Sky from Samye Ling not appeared at the last minute, I might have bottled out of this proximity with crowds of people behind...but she gave me the courage to stay in situ. Amma first lit several lights of camphor oil, with which she purified the space around her and then, taking each vase of water before her in turn, she closed her eyes and blessed the water. I could feel a really strong buzzing in the third eye every time she did this - and don't doubt the sanctification of that water, which was then distributed to each of us.

She gave a teaching and then led us into meditation and into a traditional chanting of OM and of the 108 names of the Divine Mother. It really was, for me, the highlight of everything: this pure and powerful spiritual practice made sense of everything surrounding it.

We were at the front of the queue for darshan aswell; there was a different quality to this blessing but I can't really describe how. We were also offered the opportunity to receive a mantra directly from Amma: there is a commitment with this, and an acknowledgement of Amma as a guru and as someone you have implicit faith in. Having been assured that this would not contradict the Buddhist connection I have, but would support and complement it, I felt no hesitation in receiving a mantra. For me, Amma is the female embodiment of God's love; I have not met someone of this stature in any other tradition. Ultimately the male and female must merge and that union, that spiritual marriage within, will bring about a great shift in consciousness and realisation - that hasn't yet happened within me fully, so I feel incredibly fortunate to have met and to have a direct connection with outer embodiments of the male and female aspects of divinity. I know these gurus are all perfectly merged within and that the need to see and experience them in this way is due to my own dualism (which is the illusion to be shattered). But still I am glad and grateful. Sometimes we need the physical manifestation to awaken the inner reflection.

Amma

2006-10-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Amma - India's hugging saint - is something of a human miracle. For over 30 years she has travelled India and the world, offering comfort, upliftment and love to millions of people. She works tirelessly and absolutely selflessly to bring peace and hope, to help transform the suffering of beings everywhere. She is a true embodiment of Tara.

Today I was at Crystal Palace in London, where she is spending the next three days giving her unique darshan of a hug. I arrived at 10.30 am and at 2.45pm reached the end of the queue, where I was held against her shoulder in a warm hug while she whispered words in my ear. The words were Indian and I don't know their meaning, but I know their intention: as a living emanation of the Divine Mother, her sole purpose is to awaken and strengthen that same essence within ourselves.

Over the years, Amma has initiated hundreds of charities and charitable activities, from relief work to medical aid, from education centres to orphanages, from reseach institutes to temples. She has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and many other prizes in recognition of her amazing work on this earth. She makes it seem and sound so simple: all we have to do is to be willing to work selflessly for the benefit of others, and not only will this bring huge changes to the lives of others, it will also bring great happiness to us. Her example makes it look easy!

I offered Amma one of the Taras: Tara of Powerful Activity. She does not perhaps need her for herself, but she is such an outstanding example of this very Tara that my prayer is that the inseparability of Amma and Powerful Tara brings liberation to many more millions of people.

Thrangu Rinpoche

2006-10-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Thrangu Rinpoche is personal tutor to His Holiness the Karmapa, and is widely revered as a great master, scholar and teacher. I was in Oxford for his visit and, after reading about the life and teaching of Ramana Maharshi, I felt very fortunate to be able to go to his teachings. I didn't attend them all, but was there for the teachings on The Four Thoughts: these are the thoughts that turn the mind to the Dharma. Basically they remind us of why it is important to practice the Dharma. The Four Thoughts are a) precious human birth; b) death and impermanence; c)karma, cause and effect and d) the defects of samsara.

We are reminded of how fortunate we are to have this precious human birth. It is rare apparently - and particularly rare to be born into a body and mind which is relatively healthy and able to listen to and understand the teachings; even more fortunate is to have to the connection with the Dharma and to be able to receive these teachings directly. Once we realise how lucky we actually are to have this human life, we need to know how best to use it.

This is where the following three thoughts help us. When we meditate on death and impermance, it can be a bit depressing because we really face up the reality of what ordinary life is about. Everything changes. Everything that comes into form will eventually decay and/or die. Every type of worldly happiness is subject to change and rarely lasts very long.

When we look at all the many things that happen to us, to others, we wonder what is the cause of good or bad fortune. We wonder what makes things happen the way they do. The teaching on karma, cause and effect states quite simply that every thought, word and action has a consequence - either immediate or in the future. So if our minds are polluted with many negative thoughts and feelings, we are likely to be acting in negative ways as a result - and creating unhappiness for ourselves now or in the future. If our minds can be purified, if we can develop the positive qualities within the mind and diminish the negative ones, then we will be creating the causes for happiness.

Often, however, we attribute happiness to the wrong things. We believe that happiness is dependent on and caused by certain external things - money, physical appearance, relationships, status, fame, possessions, etc. So we spend a lot of time and effort chasing these, and then trying to hold onto them, failing to realise that not only will they not last, but they probably won't bring us that much happiness anyway. These are the defects of samsara.

Reflecting and meditating on these thoughts gives us the motivation to turn the mind towards something that will really bring us happiness - in the short term, in the long term and ultimately will bring us to a state of permanent, stable happiness unaffected by whatever is happening within or around us. That something is the Dharma. The Dharma literally means "Truth" and so it isn't exclusively Buddhist at all - but the path within Buddhism to realise the Truth is very sound and very effective, and can therefore be relied on.

These teachings were followed by what are called the "common preliminaries" but I wasn't there for these ones. I was however, quite by happy chance, back in London earlier than planned and able to attend Thrangu Rinpoche's final teaching before flying back to India at London Samye Dzong. Since I was feeling quite stressed yesterday morning, repeatedly finding myself on a really uncomfortable edge of fear as the wish to deepen this connection, training and work with the Dharma is up against the reality of money and livelihood, I couldn't believe my good fortune when a friend reminded me he was coming.

Last night's teachings were on the Five Buddha Families. Sometimes referred to as the Five Wisdoms. The Five Buddhas represent the purified qualities of the five disturbing emotions: attachment, anger, ignorance, pride and jealousy. The purification of these emotions brings about the corresponding Five Wisdoms. This is because the essence of the negative emotions is in fact wisdom. What is required is simply (!) to purify the negativity distorting the wisdom, and then the wisdom shines radiantly forth.

Taking each one in turn. Rinpoche began with ignorance, which is perhaps the absolute root of our suffering and imperfect human condition. It's because we don't understand the way things are that we create so many problems for ourselves, and experience so much suffering. Once ignorance is purified, all-pervading wisdom shines forth. This is the wisdom associated with Buddha Vairocana who is white in colour and whose symbol is the wheel. All-pervading wisdom is omniscience: the mind is clear of ignorance and can see and understand everything just as it is.

Then he spoke of anger and hatred - and the purified wisdom which is mirror-like. Mirror-like wisdom is clarity; the mind reflects clearly the way things are; there is a sharpness, vividness, brightness. Often when we experience anger or hatred, we are in touch with something quite wise, but the emotions are so disturbed and distorted that we only cause damage, pain and destruction with them. The potential to see things clearly and to cut through the bullshit without negativity is inherent within anger and hatred. It is the Buddha Akshobya who is blue in colour and whose symbol is a vajra who aids us in this transformation.

Pride - the feeling that we are better than someones else - is in essence the wisdom of equality or sameness. In gross and subtle ways, we have many prejudices towards others, believing they are less than us in some way. Once we see the truth, however, we see that we are all equal: that the differences that exist are superficial and don't pertain to the essence of who we really are. The yellow Buddha Ratnasambhava, whose symbol I can't recall, is the Buddha of the Wisdom of Equality.

Attachment and desire - which give rise to greed, grasping and the endless chasing of dreams, goals and objects. Here the Wisdom of Discrimination is the essence. We are able to discern clearly the differences between things and to know them for what they are. In that way, the striving associated with attachment and desire diminishes and is ultimately gone. We appreciate beauty, we recognise it, but there is no more grasping to possess or own it. The red Buddha Amitabha, whose symbol is the lotus, is associated with Discriminating Wisdom.

Finally, jealousy - and the Wisdom of All-Accomplishing Activity. Jealousy is a curiously crippling emotion, one that makes it very difficult to act at all - unless perhaps combined with anger when the combination can be very toxic and dangerous indeed. But generally jealousy seems to bring a kind of helplessness, lethargy and ineffectiveness to our actions. Purifying jealousy leads to great success in the accomplishment of activities. The green Buddha Amogasiddhi, whose symbol is the double vajra, is the Buddha associated with the Wisdom of All-Accomplishing Activity.

Of course the reality of purifying these emotions is pretty difficult! But it's encouraging to know that it's not only possible, but that inherent within each one is the seed of something very positive indeed. One simple method Rinpoche gave us to purify the emotions was to recite the compassion mantra: OM MANI PADME HUNG. This is good to do whenever we can, but in the arising of one of the disturbing emotions, it is particularly good to recite the mantra. This alone will help to pacify and transform the disturbance.

Gurus

2006-09-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Gurus - that peculiarly Eastern term for a spiritual teacher. Literally meaning "dispeller of darkness". I'm in Oxford this week, staying with a close friend and someone who has played a very big role in my spiritual life: she taught me to meditate (apparently I sat and cried throughout the first 3 sessions until I was given a mantra to recite!! I do remember being rather scared and overwhelmed by the experience, but this is an embarrassing confession nonetheless).

Also here this week, visiting from India, is one of the teachers from the Kagyu lineage of Buddhism: Thrangu Rinpoche is a senior teacher (guru), a real scholar and the main teacher for the four regents of the lineage, including His Holiness the Karmapa. I haven't seen him yet but am looking forward to being reminded of the benefits of proper meditation practice!

Meanwhile, I've been reading the biography of one of India's most celebrated gurus: Sri Ramana Maharshi. Which has had/is having quite an impact. He was born in South India in the late 19th century and at a very young age left home and took himself off to live an austere and intense life of silence, meditation and solitude within the halls of a local temple. He renounced the world completely, shaving his hair, giving away the last of his very little money and donning a loincloth in place of ordinary clothing. He ate very little and ignored all attempts to be lured into conversation - he just sat and sat; moving occasionally if need be but so absorbed in meditation that he seemed largely unaware of the world around him.

He was eventually drawn to the mountain of Arunachala - considered to be a holy place, the abode of Siva, Hindu God of Light. There he remained for the rest of his life, gradually shedding the last remnants of his identity as an ordinary person and becoming, if such a person can really be described, a fully-embodied Divine Being. "Extraordinarily ordinary" at first glance, and yet so powerful was the energy emanating from him that people came from all over the world just to be close to him. To receive his grace - which was regarded as none other than the Grace of God. His teaching was very, very simple: he did not profess to belong to any religion, but thought all religions led to the same "place" - the experience of Oneness, where any vestige of ego was left behind and the mind was absorbed into the heart of its very source. Advaita. Non-duality. Here there is total silence - but not the silence of no noise, the silence of no thought.

This is an experience I have once had; in the house I lived in in Woodstock. All of a sudden every noise stopped dead - I remember asking "why have all the birds had stopped singing?" Then a kind of blank, but not a vacant blank, a buzzing alive blank. Pure peace. Absolute nothingness. It was heaven! Then a roaring sound, the word "advaita" appeared in my consciousness together with the distinct sense of that pure nothingness "falling" and becoming fragmented into discrete entities of thought, object, form.

This was, I think, a brief experience of the state of mind the great spiritual masters abide in.

Ramana Maharshi taught through silence. He gave very little teaching. Except to ask students (devotees as they're usually referred to) to contemplate the question "Who am I?" There is nothing more important than to trace this "I" back to its source and there to lose it!! The "I-thought" is the thought preceding all other thoughts and is therefore the root of our human condition. To transcend that, with all its attendant confusion and suffering, is to experience the truth of who we really are, is to know Heaven on Earth.

He believed that, at a certain point in our development, it is necessary to be with a Guru in order to be able to reach realisation.

Reading this has stirred that realisation within me too. I have often felt it, and in fact Akong Rinpoche, Lama Yeshe and Ringu Tulku fulfill that role for me. But there are times when the longing becomes very intense - such as it is now - and perhaps that's because I'm not physically close to any of them right now, perhaps it's because I've reached a point of being ready to be close again. "When the student is ready, the teacher will come".

So how does this relate to Tara? Well, I've been wondering that and meditating on that question. The deity is also the Guru, but it can be hard to have a very strong, clear connection with the deity: they are not in form, but are only visible in the mind's eye - which is obviously subject to all sorts of interference and interpretation by the rational mind.

It's interesting to have reached a point of apparent separation between Guru and deity. That's ignorance. But it's there!

I wonder if this will be healed a little through seeing Thrangu Rinpoche. Or perhaps more so through the visit of Amma to London in October: she is another Indian saint, said to be the incarnation of the Divine Mother and therefore would be regarded as an incarnation of Tara.

I'm working with two little Taras at the moment: Tara Protecting from Thieves, and Tara of Increasing Power. I feel it would be appropriate to take Tara of Increasing Power to Amma personally and to give her to Amma. But that's just a thought for now!

Travelling Taras

2006-09-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour
Having placed the fifth Tara last week, there is now a shift taking place in terms of how the pilgrimage will proceed. The ground for this was laid a few weeks ago when the "I am not just me" realisation opened the door for others to become an integral part of this journey. It looks as if the next few Taras will be travelling to different parts of the world - with different people, all of whom have a connection with Tara and whose reason for travelling is aligned to her essence and activity.

I am hoping that each person will also write an article about their particular journey and that this can be included in the blog.

My stepfather and mother have taken the sixth Tara to Australia.. Allan will have given his lecture by now and his intention was to leave this Tara - who represents the "increasing of activities", in particular enrichment through the increasing of eloquence, intelligence, knowledge, etc. Since the conference in Sydney is a gathering of some of the world experts involved in the study of the brain, this seems very appropriate indeed!

The seventh Tara - Tara of Indestructible Protection - has gone with Rob Parry to a new community outside Seattle in the American North-West. This Tara protects from volcanoes, meteors, hailstorms in the external world, and from desire, envy and hatred within the mind. Rob's intention was to climb a 1400 ft volcano and leave Tara at its summit, but it may be too late in the year to make that trip, so we'll see where she ends up and what particular journey they make together.

The eighth Tara - Tara protecting from Politics - is going with Sara Trevelyan to Tibet. This Tara protects from oppression and tyranny through government and leadership, from the kind of suffering many people suffer at the hands of dictators. After the terrible atrocities committed in Tibet during the Cultural Revolution when China moved in to claim the country as their own, killing, torturing, raping and maiming thousands whilst destroying monasteries, palaces, statues, scriptures - as much of the Tibetan culture and way of life as they could - it is significant that one of the Taras returns to her homeland. Sara is going on a 3-week pilgrimage and, with her own strong and active commitment to peace and to alievating suffering in the world, is very much the right person for this particular mission.

The ninth Tara - Tara protecting from Weapons - is going to Russia with my friend Natalia, when she returns home at the end of the month.

The tenth Tara - Tara protecting from Thieves - is sitting with me now; she may be going to India but at the moment this one isn't certain. So I'll say no more.

The expansion of the pilgrimage and the project in this way feels very appropriate and both liberating and joyful. More inclusive and more shared. Interestingly, the lessening of ownership, of "self", that has perhaps been forced by the recognition of limits, is a curious feeling. On the one hand, from the point of view of the project, and I think the "real me" it's joyful and heart-warming. From the point of view of the "Anna-self" it's threatening. Simply because I grabbed onto this project as some kind of salvation: from the devastating losses of the year and from the inability to gain control and restructure my life at that point. Mixing ego with spirituality is inevitable I think while the ego has such an unconscious hold still, but i can also see how ridiculous it is. Using spirituality to bolster the ego, however subtlely, is going to produce flawed actions, and a lot of confusion. The best one can hope is that consciousness gradually dawns anyway, and the ego is weakened in the process.

So, this morning, when I awoke with the familiar heart palpitations and surge of anxiety, I looked more directly at what the mind was reacting to. What I "saw" was a void, an abyss, a great chasm of nothingness. Into which I am called - and to which I am reacting. With fear. Within the Void I can sense clear light, clarity, boundlessness - which is going to obliterate all the "past" that I have been grieving the loss of whilst hanging onto at the same time. Can I let go into that? Can I really trust and surrender to it? It's a precious opportunity - to go in and experience it, knowing it is probably the only direction to go in if something new is going to emerge from the ashes of the past. Something really new. I don't think it's actually time to physically die just yet, and so form is still relevant..... and so it's better to surrender to the Void and let go rather than to hang on to the sides and be in a state of paralysed tension!

Hmmmmmmmm.... watch this space!

Greenwich Park

2006-09-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour
Today - again unexpectedly - I have placed the Fifth Tara, Tara protecting from wind and from jealousy. It's not going to be easy to write this entry because there are feelings of shame around encountering the degree to which I can experience feelings of jealousy! And not previously even have recognised them as such....

But here goes.

Today, it's the birthday of someone who has probably triggered more jealousy in me than anyone else. I won't give his name, but I was once completely in love with him and it wasn't mutual..... we had a brief relationship, but it ended: I couldn't really accept this and it wasn't until I walked into a pub and found him with his new girlfriend that I realised my dreams were nothing but fairytale castles in the sky. Amongst the many feelings this incident gave rise to, jealousy featured strongly. In fact I became so paranoid that every woman in the city of Edinburgh represented a threat!! I was taken over by the green-eyed monster and unable to really face the pain "not being loved or wanted" was creating. Because I couldn't face that pain directly, it took on a monstrous form - jealousy and paranoia.

To say that jealousy creates a "storm" of emotions, thoughts and feelings would not be an exaggeration. It seems to come from feelings of rejection and assuming that not being "wanted" is the same as not being loved, not being good enough. These old fears, old feelings - which in the distant past were tied up with feelings of abandonment and loss - get re-activated in situations where someone we have decided we "love" doesn't behave the way we want or think we need.

Most of my life, if I'm really brutally honest, I've suffered from feelings of insecurity and not being good enough - particularly when it comes to being loved by a man. This of course mirrors, or stems from, my relationship with my father who was imprisoned within his own mind to such a degree that I couldn't reach him, nor could he respond to me.

Jealousy has arisen with every man I've ever loved - mostly because they have all gone off with other women! Now, normal and understandable as this may be, it's still painful and still a cause of suffering to me and to others. The jealous response is my own; it's not created by anyone else, no matter what the apparent provocation.

News then came today that another dear friend, whom I also once wanted to be in a relationship with, is getting married. I'd been thinking of him a lot in recent days and the news came as a shock. Like the other "losses", i felt my heart open and tears came, but this time I could feel a lot of love being released for this person...without any wish to hold on or resist what is happening. This seems like progress!

Over the course of today I've been seeing the many faces of jealousy within me - and although I feel some shame about it, it's better to open to it and feel it directly. And have compassion for the heart that wants to love and be loved. I have to open and love this part of me; otherwise it will continue to eat away at my happiness and capacity to be happy for others; and it will mean I will recoil from others when I see jealousy in them.

The friend who is getting married loves trees, and taught me a lot about the appreciation of trees - simply through his love for them. There is a beautiful, big old chestnut tree in Greenwich Park, planted in 1642, and I decided to take some beads from an old crystal mala and offer them to the tree on behalf of this friend. As I was leaving, the little Tara dedicated to transforming jealousy practically jumped into my pocket....so I took her too and placed her inside the tree, surrounded by the crystal beads.

That tree has withstood all the elements for nearly 400 years; how many storms have battered the Park during this time? How much does this tree represent protection from the wind element? There are few living beings that stay with us over this amount of time, growing quietly and witnessing the many joys and travails of the Earth and of people. Kings and Queens have come and gone; the Great Fire of London; the Black Death; Victorian times; World War I and II; there are so many huge events that tree has borne witness to...and survived to tell a tale that lives on in the bark of its great girth and whispers through its branches. Past, present and future merge in the mightly presence of such a being.

Australia

2006-09-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

The first of the Taras to travel abroad leaves with my stepfather and mother for Australia next week.

Having reached an unbearable point of tension as a result of the conflict between what I'd set out to do and what I am currently capable of doing myself, there was a sudden breakthrough moment.... when I realised "I wasn't just me". That the seemingly separate "I" committed to this Peace Pilgrimage wasn't a separate entity at all. At the level of Tara herself, there are many beings who are part of this work and it doesn't matter who takes the Tara blessing around the world... the more the merrier, in fact. Especially as the connection each person has with Tara on a personal level is strengthened by their willingness to act in this way: and that means her blessing is spreading in more ways than I envisaged in the first place.

Allan is giving a lecture at a medical conference in Sydney. He will be talking about the research he has been doing for 30 years, looking at the tangible benefits of Vitamin B thiamine when given to patients with chronic alcohol problems: that long-term brain damage can be prevented is this vitamin is administered in time. I am hoping he will write a short piece himself for the blog when he comes back...

The Tara he is taking is the 6th one: Increasing Activities. This is a Tara of enrichment, who increases intelligence, eloquence, knowledge, success, wealth, etc.

My mother is going too, and she will look after this Tara - and Allan! - while she is there. I have a strong wish to give my mother one of the Taras, one that she will have responsibility for and a strong connection with - but that is one is yet to manifest....

Empowerments

2006-08-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Dulmo Choje Rinpoche has been in London this weekend and I went to Samye Dzong to see him - to receive the Bodhisattva Vow and White Tara empowerment. Green Tara I missed...but sat and did the practice in the garden here during the time of the empowerment in central London.

I have taken the Bodhisattva Vow with Ringu Tulku, but have not taken it with a group before. In fact I have often resisted it somewhat: partly because it seemed unnecessary and disrespectful to Ringu Tulku; partly because it's a vow that brings up fear. Committing to be of service to other beings isn't always what I want - which of course is ignorance and selfish ego-clinging, but the awareness of that doesn't always make much difference! This weekend, however, I realised it was more important even than the joyful blessing of the Tara empowerments: it is the foundation of all practice really and without it, apparently becoming a Buddha is not possible.

Whether it was the power of the ceremonies, and of Dulmo Choje's presence, I don't know but I felt very weird indeed on Saturday evening: I think my physical system is under a lot of strain from hormones, bleeding, herbs and perhaps lack of iron now and sometimes I don't feel well at all and have very odd symptoms. However, I've decided this is absolutely inseparable from a Tara Peace Pilgrimage and the journey happens to be taking me through the female body right now rather than around the world.

I have been reflecting on jealousy a little, but this isn't a poison that I experience very much or very often so I don't have much to say really. I've been aware of seeing friends with babies and feeling curious about why this has never been my reality - especially when I wanted it so much, provided the conditions were "right". Sometimes I think I have been jealous, but not significantly. I just want to be like other women capable of reproducing and in harmony with that part of my nature and physical make-up. I guess I have been all along, but never put it to the test - and now it looks as if it might be over, well, that's okay. I can express that part in other ways. It's not the end of the world.

What I would like, however, is a relationship. A partner - a boyfriend in fact!! I've met someone I rather like, but he's not long out of a fairly awful-sounding situation and doesn't want to enter another relationship in any hurry. I notice my habitual tendency to want to help and "heal" - which he is in fact attracted to! - but in the past I've always compromised my own wishes for a relationship in order to give the other person what they need. It's a recipe for disaster, because the lack of honesty - or vigilance - on my part means I end up resenting them and in conflict and emotionally messy entanglement about healing and love. Lovely!! So I'm not doing it this time. I'm not lying to myself or denying what I want in order to have a half-baked affair on someone else's terms.

But it's good to know I am ready for another relationship - and that the energetic legacy of my connection with Jon, Rob and Sedric has pretty much gone now. I am free!

Relationships of course are great arenas for jealousy, so let's just hope I'm not inviting one into my life and opening the door to lots of trouble....

Under My Nose...

2006-08-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Very unexpectedly, the Fourth Tara has been placed right under my nose. I came back to Blackheath on Sunday and whilst doing Tara practice yesterday, it became clear that the Fourth Tara should go in the garden of my family home. When I thought about this, I realised how appropriate - if a bit shocking - this was. Over the years, there have been a lot of fights at home and a lot of anger has flown around. The change now is enormous and might be considered something of a miracle - except that there has also always been a lot of love and a strong will to understand and accept each other. This seems to have won because the tensions that were once there have truly gone - and the reason for this is a change within us all.

So, whilst I have been contemplating Australia, Southern California, even Spain or the South of France for this Tara.... I have gone no further than my own backyard for her home. More than anything, this has shown me that I cannot predict in advance where each Tara is going to take me and that it isn't me who is in charge of this!! I find that liberating and reassuring somehow, which is also I guess the blessing of Tara... and realise that there is no "working for the benefit of others" that doesn't directly emerge from the work that I do on myself....

Fifth Tara

2006-08-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

A brief introduction to the Fifth Tara.... she protects from dangers related to the air element - hurricanes, tornadoes, storms - and from suffering arising from the negative emotion of jealousy. She is white in colour and holds the symbol of Mt. Meru in her left hand. Mt. Meru symbolises the abundance of the Earth.

When it comes to jealousy, which is one of the most insidious of the poisons and which truly is a "green-eyed monster" at its most intense, the nature of the underlying fear seems to have something to do with abandonment, loss, or lack - the sense of incompletion. When jealousy is transformed, it is described as "all-accomplishing wisdom" and I have often struggled to understand what is really meant by that. As far as my current understanding goes, when our minds are free from jealousy, we have energy available to accomplish a great deal - we have a strong motivation to accomplish a great deal, because we are aware of all that we want perhaps but rather than begrudging others who have it (whatever "it" is) and feeling sorry and bitter that we don't, we are free to go out and create it for ourselves.

Another way of understanding this is to think of the interconnectedness between all beings - to remember that we are not truly separate from each other and that nothing one person has is taking anything from us. In fact, if my friend suddenly attains something desirable, I feel joy in this because I am happy for my friend and realise that their happiness is actually an intrinsic part of my own. So there is nothing to be jealous of.

So these are my first thoughts about the nature of Fifth Tara....and we'll see what lessons unfold for this one!

Transformation

2006-08-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

I have just written about the incredible blessing and teaching I have had this week - through being forced to confront a really painful situation that has caused a lot of hurt and anger. This blessing has helped to transform the anger in such a way that I understand more clearly what it means to be "protected from anger". However, the computer crashed and wiped it all out. Creating more perfect conditions for anger!!

However... I accept this has happened and that what I hoped would be a real source of inspiration and blessing to any reader has gone. For the time being. Suffice to say: within the experience of real love, which is within the heart-mind of all of us, the conditions for anger do not exist. Compassion and understanding naturally fill all the space that anger usurps when the heart-mind cannot open to the truth. Opening is painful but, like childbirth perhaps, the pain only lasts as long as the opening is happening. Thereafter there is the joy and peace and love of Life that is unchanging and that makes all things appear "new".

Anger

2006-08-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Perhaps not surprisingly, and probably rather usefully, I've been experiencing lots of anger this week. I dare say that evoking the presence of this fourth Tara has brought material to consciousness that she can help to transform.

The predominant reason for these feelings has been conflict about this very pilgrimage. Having intended to head off to various parts of the world, I have found very little genuine enthusiasm to do so - and in fact would resent the cost and stress that travel entails. I have also been sleeping in a room where the next-door neighbour is rather disturbed and who cries loudly at all hours of the night!! Outside the window, she has posted big sheets of paper saying "ALL THE MANY HOURS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S TIME USED UP ...AND THE STRESS INFLICTED....THESE ARE THE ONLY REALITIES". So I am kept awake experiencing HER reality!!!! Trying to muster compassion and send it through the walls, but usually only managing to do this after about 2 hours of silently boiling "will you just bloody shut up?"

Ooops. Rather a long way to go.

My firey temperament is a source of many jokes in the family and I'm frequently reminded of, for example, the time when I tried to get to school one Winter and there were obstacles everywhere. The fucking train wasn't working and I couldn't get the fucking petrol cap off the fucking car and generally I was rather fucked off!!

The mind gets hotter and hotter, tighter and tighter, when anger's arisen. In fact the voice of anger - and the personality that accompanies the voice - are quite distinct. I've been sitting with it and bringing awareness to it, sitting through the painful feelings that are behind the angry ones....and it's amazing how this practice changes things. How the state of mind eases, opens, releases - and how there is always an answer within the extreme emotion. An answer that moves things forward in a constructive way rather than allowing them to go round and round in a destructive way.

The answer that came with regard to the conflict around this pilgrimage was quite unexpected. Instead of seeing myself as an isolated unit trying to climb Everest all by myself, there is another view - which is that I am part of a team. A Tara Team. I do not have to take all the Taras myself; they can be given to others and taken to different places by those who are sympathetic and understanding of the task at hand. That way, not only do the Taras get around the world as planned, but other people receive the blessing of her protection whilst they are doing the travelling. And become an integral part of a big network of compassion and wisdom flowing out into the world. Brilliant!

This solution has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders and opened the space in my mind again. Pressure off. Stress dissipated. Anger transformed into mirror-like wisdom!! Well, near enough. life no longer feels so utterly overwhelming or terrifying.
Thank you Tara.

Fire

2006-08-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Australia is known to have some of the worst bush fires/wild fires in the world, with Southern California following a close second. In areas where there are very dry conditions, and forestation, the risk of fire is very high and it takes only a casually discarded match or an unguarded campfire to start a blaze that will wipe out acres of land and endanger wildlife and human life. Many fires are also ignited by lightning or by power lines, vehicle crashes or sparks from farm machinery. These are the accidental fires. Many more are started deliberately and arson has caused considerable damage in areas where vegetation burns like tinder.

The Fire Danger Index, used in Australia, calculates risk factors such as temperature, relative humidity, wind speed, drought and the availability of fuel in any given area. The most dangerous combination is high temperature, low humidity, high winds and lack of rain. Bushfires spread as a thin front of flames as can be seen in the photograph. Forest fires normally travel at 1-3 km/h, and have flames of between 10 and 20 metres. Grass fires travel faster: 3-10 km/h but occasionally they have been known to travel as fast as 25 km/h. The stronger the wind, the faster the fire will spread. It's the hot, dry winds blowing from the central arid region of Australia that produce such favourable conditions for fire.

During the heatwave in Britain earlier this year, a wildfire in the county of Surrey resulted in the loss of several acres of heath at Thursley Common. Firefighters in this part of the world had to tackle the kind of fire normally reserved for hotter, drier climates, and it alerted the country to the higher risk of such incidents particularly during very hot, dry spells. There is a general consensus that Britain's firefighters will be dealing with similar incidents more often in the future, and provision is being made for suitable training and equipment.

So, have fires always been a problem for the Earth? Well, according to research undertaken by a London-based geologist, who specialises in the study of charcoal, fires were once quite rare. But this was a very, very long time ago: during the first 50 million years of plant evolution in fact. From around 365 million years ago, severe fires became widespread over the planet, and this was in part caused by rising oxygen levels. Fires need oxygen to burn and when oxygen levels were at their peak (some 275 million years ago), even damp vegetation would have ignited very easily. We are not at the same risk today, but it is clear that global warming is having an impact on our climate in so many ways - and the incidence of wildfire is likely to increase.

Fourth Tara

2006-08-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Tara protecting from fire - and from the suffering and sickness arising from anger. The fourth Tara is yellow and holds a water crystal in her left hand.

I began working with this Tara last week, and have no idea where she's going to take me. I'm drawn to Australia, where bush fires are a regular problem, but the commitment to get there is financially prohibitive and I await further guidance!

In the meantime, I've been looking at the mind poison of anger and seeing how many problems this causes. Just watching the Israelis and Hezbollah launching attack after attack on each other, each side angry with the other and determined to "defend" itself from the enemy. This is a clear example of what can happen when anger escalates, of the mindset that anger gives rise to. Anger needs an enemy, a belief in separation and irreconcilable difference. It is a fire within the mind and if it isn't pacified, it quickly goes out of control and inflicts huge harm. One of the problems is that anger is brilliant at self-justification: its arguments, reasoning, all so convincing to the person experiencing the anger.

What is anger rooted in? It must be fear. When we become afraid, when our sense of self is threatened in any way, we experience a whole number of emotional options - and anger is a very strong and habitual one.

If I look at my own mind, I can see that for many years I was plagued with frequent and overwhelming experiences of anger. There was always a rush of power that came with the anger - and this power kicked words or actions into motion that seemed to protect me. They certainly removed me from the person or situation in question, but usually there was regret afterwards and a realisation that the whole picture had been lost.

Within Buddhism, all the poisons have their corresponding wisdom: in other words, emotions are not a problem if we can "catch" them before they've taken over and allow the essence of them to emerge within the mind. When anger is transformed, there is mirror-like wisdom: a clear, sharp mind that reflects like a mirror. Maybe you know the experience of the mind suddenly becoming very clear when you're angry; I think that's the mirror-like wisdom dawning, but the secret is to have the clarity without the emotion. There is no enmity. No "other". No projection. Just pure anger - which is not really anger in the way we normally know it at all.

I remember hearing that the Dalai Lama still has to work on transforming anger - that, for him, this is still a vulnerable area. He has so much reason to be angry, and yet his message is consistently one of non-violence and non-retaliation. Against the Chinese in his case, but against any aggressor in truth. Meeting unprovoked and completely unjustified violence from others must be one of the toughest challenges on the spiritual path. Jesus was also faced with this one, and his words from the cross - "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do" are some of the most powerful words ever spoken, to my mind. They were genuine: his compassion was so deep and his understanding so complete that he knew that such actions would only lead to immense suffering on the part of the people carrying out such harm. He knew that whatever suffering he endured at their hands was temporary and transient.

Living like a Jesus, a Gandhi, a Dalai Lama is not exactly easy....but they provide the most shining examples of the power of tranforming anger into compassion, violence into nonviolence. This must be the only real way to achieve peace in our own minds and in our world.

Allhallows

2006-08-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

The Third Tara has been placed. In a bleak, obscure part of the country where nothing much happens and the land is flat and mostly given over to grazing and a residential caravan park. Allhallows. On the northern shores of Kent; the official point at which the River Thames ceases and becomes the English Channel. The Thames Estuary is bigger than I expected and with the tide out, the mudflats seem to extend for several hundred metres before water can be seen. On one side is Southend-on-Sea in Essex, the Isle of Sheppey just beyond Allhallows and it's a mystery why this tiny, isolated village was chosen to mark the offical mouth of the Thames. Did someone take samples of the water in various places and determine the degree of seawater compared to river water? Or was it less scientific and more random? With a name like Allhallows, it could even be argued to have had religious significance - but that's a bit unlikely. A more Godforsaken place is not hard to imagine.

Yet, there was a strange peace there. Walking over the marshland (very dry in this drought) and up to the seawall, the wind blew and the cows quietly grazed; over the seawall and sitting at the edge of the tide, monotones of grey stretched ahead in all directions as pebbled beach, mudflats, river, sea and cloud all merged, confounding the senses and calming the mind. I sat for quite some time, thinking of the journey with this Tara and the people, places and events that are under her protection. Placing her in a rocky crevice, overlooking the river and the sea, I doubt she'll ever be found. May her blessing spread throughout this corner of England and beyond, protecting all who live in areas where water is a threat to lives and livelihood.

Returning to London, I stopped in Rochester for lunch and to visit the cathedral, which is the second oldest in the country. It's a beautiful, inspiring building with Britain's finest example of an original medieval wallpainting. Painted in the 13th Century, the Wheel of Fortune shows the ascending time of man's life: I was struck by the similarity between this English depiction of life and the Buddhist Wheel of Fortune.

I was also struck by the strong presence of the Holy Mother - both in the Lady Chapel and in the gardens, where there is a modern sculpture of Mary and Jesus, commissioned to commemorate the 850th anniversary of the cathedral. Rochester Cathedral is the mother church for the whole diocese of Kent, and it made me feel very much as if - once again - Tara and Mary are very similar in their qualities and in how they are perceived. They work to help people in the same way. The Divine Mother has many faces. She is there, in so many different ways - we just have to know where and how to look.

Reflections

2006-07-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

It's been a while since the last entry and I've turned 40 in the interim. Hmmmmm. Was not looking forward to this birthday but now that it's happened, I'm free of that particular hurdle.

Today I am full of hormones - the ones that make you bleed, feel sick, tired and with a head of mush. Being a woman is no joke and in many ways I can see why people used to pray to be reborn as a man so they could get on with spiritual practice without such hindrances. However, there is the other view, which I'm more inclined to adopt. Obstacles, hindrances and suffering can greatly speed up the process of enlightenment - because they act as the spur to engage in spiritual practice in the first place, and because they give ample opportunity to transform energies. Within every challenge is a huge opportunity for growth, understanding, wisdom, strength... and indeed it's the challenges that are the very source of the blessing we seek. So thank you body.... in being so quintessentially female, and in being out of balance, you are opening me to challenges and blessings that have hitherto been unknown!

I have stopped seeing this as an obstacle to this Peace Pilgrimage, and now see it as an integral part of it. There to teach and guide and direct the whole process. It's as if my old rational, controlled and goal-oriented approach, which could be regarded as more "masculine" in its style, is no longer able to be in the driving seat.... and something much more feminine has taken over. So much so that I find myself wanting to simply stay at home, look after a house, a husband, children and not be bothered with any sort of effort to engage in the world and make my own living. What a confession!! Feminism and emancipation are wasted on a woman whose hormones just say "being a woman is about caves, birthing and nurturing, not hunting and gathering".

So much do I feel this right now that I am even wondering if infertility and other such problems might be linked to the strong urges women seem to have to be out fighting in the workplace under the same demands and rigours as their male colleagues. What does it really do to our bodies and minds as women when we go against our biology? Some would argue for the healthy balance of masculine and feminine energies within the one person - and that this is what makes a whole, balanced and fully funcioning individual. I used to think like that. At the moment I'm no longer so sure.

Certainly - on a slightly different tangent - strong surges of hormones reduces any desire to be engaging with worldly activities, no matter how pleasurable they might be to the senses. This is boring for others, but great from the point of view of "turning the mind to the Dharma". All I want to do is do Tara practice, read, write a bit, chill and hang out with friends/family in ways that don't demand much effort! Very valuable for the third Tara who protects against the temptations of various desires..... she must be at work.

Attachment

2006-07-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

A favourite Buddhist word! The Third Tara specifically helps to free us from the suffering of attachment/desire. The last two days have been a reminder of how strongly we cling to an idea of a separate self that needs all sorts of things to relax and be happy. Personally, I have felt the tension of "clinging" very acutely and the raw fear behind and within that tendency of the mind. At times of great change or uncertainty, it can be difficult to stay relaxed and I've noticed that each time I go through such a period, I become very aware of how much I cling to an idea of who I am. Not consciously - but unconsciously. Travelling from place to place, interacting with different people all the time, is a massive teaching: it's impossible to stay fixed on oneself for very long. The constant interplay between 'self' and the outside world means that the experience of who one is is always changing. One day I am spending time with my mother and I am this way; the next day with my brother somewhere else and I am another way; the following day with a total stranger in the street and suddenly I see and experience life differently once again. All the conditioned ways of being are available in a rolling succession of opportunities! Also present is the opportunity to just BE..... which is the truth behind all the superficial stuff anyway, but dropping into the moment without self-consciousness and just an open acceptance of all that is without judgement ... that's a wonderful experience. With anyone.

I've been reading about and contemplating "emptiness" again today.The reality of "no-self" - at least of no independently existing, separate self. The feminine is said to take us close to the truth of emptiness - emptiness is wisdom and wisdom is synonymous with the enlightened feminine energy.

Wisdom helps us to see clearly the nature of conditioned existence and to realise that it isn't what we think it is. The dawning of understanding/realisation is often accoompanied by fear, because our old ideas and beliefs are being undermined. We spend so much energy trying to tie things down - homes, people, money, religions, our diaries, the future - and fail to appreciate that the true nature of all phenomena is such that this is impossible. Initially we refuse to change our view and our attachment gets stronger: we get stressed, angry, petrified, when our attempts to be in control continue to fail. If we're lucky, we'll give up at some point and just relax: and how often is it that everything works out just fine when we do?!

Being out of control is really uncomfortable for the ego - which believes it is the self. But sometimes, when we really let go of control, something else takes over - a kind of spontaneous, fresh, aliveness. Why do laughing, dancing, making love make us feel so good? Because the ego is out of control and the true spirit - which can never be identified or described or nailed down - is suddenly free. To play. To flow. Not resisting, but merging with a sense of wonder and magic that doesn't seem to be a part of us - but is in truth the inner source of our Being.

Being "safe" enough to let go of control is something I notice I look for.... which is rather like a tiger chasing its tail. Sometimes that's sensible, because there might be some difficult consequences to, say, dancing naked down Marylebone Road in a wild, abandoned state of freedom. But in my own case, I cling more than is healthy to control - and in my contemplations of the day, can really see that there is nothing to cling to. It's a pointless activity that leads to tension and suffering. If "I" and all that I cling to don't really exist in a graspable way, it would be better to stop the habit. Difficult of course, but awareness is always the key.....

"The flood of attachment"....so it was once described by the first Dalai Lama. Third Tara helps to liberate us from this.

River Thames

2006-07-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

"I do not know much about gods; but I think that the river
Is a strong brown god - sullen, untamed and intractable.
Patient to some degree, at first recognised as a frontier;
Useful, untrustworthy, as a conveyor of commerce;
Then only a problem confronting the builder of bridges.
The problem once solved, the brown god is almost forgotten
By the dwellers in cities - ever, however, implacable. Keeping the seasons and rages, destroyer, reminder
Of what men choose to forget. Unhonoured, unpropitiated
By worshippers of the machine, but waiting, watching and waiting"

- T.S. Eliot: The Dry Salvages -

Travelling by boat along the River Thames on a gentle summer's day, it's easy to be lulled into a false sense of security about this river - or any river. Eliot's words hint at the dark depths and murky pasts so many rivers conceal beneath their dappling, rippling waters.

And the River Thames is no exception. In the 18th Century, the Thames was one of the busiest waterways in the world, putting London at the centre of the huge, mercantile British Empire. It was during this time, however, that one of the worst river disasters in England took place when, in 1878, a crowded pleasure boat collided with another boat - killing 640 people. Before that, in what became known as the 'Great Stink' of 1858, sittings at the House of Commons in Westminster were abandoned due to the appaling stench rising from the polluted river waters. This incident propelled the city into a major engineering programme to tackle the sewage problem, and giant sewers were constructed on both sides of the river embankment under the supervision of Joseph Bazalgette.

We think of the Thames as a dirty river today, but in fact it is relatively clean. Not only have the sewage problems been largely resolved, but the tremendous hammering the river took during the days when London was a major world port are over: rail and road transportation have largely taken the place of rivers and even the old Port of London has been moved downstream out of the heart of the city to Tilbury.

Flooding has always been a feature of life on the Thames. But it wasn't until 1953 when over 300 people were drowned as the Thames experienced its worst flood ever that London set about trying to keep the water levels stable. Whilst most of the damage was to the estuary area, around Canvey Island, the absence of any flood defences to speak of at the time meant that London was suddenly on red alert. Attempts to construct a suitable flood defence began, but failed because of the number of huge commercial vessels going up and down the river; the openings in any flood barrier needed to be so wide that the project just wasn't feasible. However, as the commercial use of the river dwindled and after the Port of London moved downstream to Tilbury, it was conceivable to construct an effective defence. So in 1974 work began on what has become the world's largest movable flood defence - the Thames Barrier.

It took 10 years to complete and cost over £500 million, but it is a magnificent feat of water engineering and has even been described as the eighth wonder of the world.

I took a boat out from Greenwich to see it for myself. It's always a joy to be on the river, and gives a fascinating perspective of the city. Leaving Greenwich, the boat passed the Royal Naval College - now home to Trinity College of Music; the infamous Millenium Dome (bought by an American to be turned into a casino); London Docklands and then the Barrier itself. Nine great concrete piers stretch across the river; each one buried 50 ft below river level on solid chalk foundations and some weighing 1500 tonnes. It takes 40 minutes to turn the wheels to raise or lower the flood wall and at any given time, one or more stretches of the wall will be lowered. The Thames is most at risk from flooding due to tidal surges that happen out in the North Sea: these occasionally find their way into the estuary and result in sudden rises in water level. It's clear that the Thames Barrier has provided very good protection in recent years, but that further defences are needed for the future. Either strengthening of the existing ones, or very probably a new one out at the mouth of the Thames.

It's at the mouth of the Thames where the Third Tara will be placed....but first, there is a little more of Old Father Thames to be explored.

London

2006-07-08T03:40:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

I reached London this morning, after a meandering journey down through Yorkshire, Manchester, Leamington and Oxford. I'm at my brother's flat now in West Hampstead. It's good to be back, but the first feelings have been sad and tears have flowed as photos of Dad remind me that he's not here anymore. This is the first time I've been back since he died, and the last time I saw him was here - when we stayed at the flat together here; Rupert and I were looking after him while Juliet was away in Italy for a week. I remember looking at him for the last time as he sat in the armchair wondering if I'd see him again. Dad didn't really engage with the reality of his dying, which helped in some ways because it allowed us all to be in the present moment and to live the life that was manifesting there and then. But it didn't make conversation very easy and I always felt we were avoiding the subject of what was actually going on - because the feelings around it were frightening and difficult. I always had a lot of feeling around and for Dad, and he found this uncomfortable - which tended to create tension, resulting in misunderstanding and the occasional extreme outburst of emotion from me!!

Relationships with parents are very deep and the connections very strong. Coming back into the "stream" of family is usually an emotional time for me and I often dread it. Not because there is anything fundamentally wrong with anyone - in fact, I have a very good family - but because of the conflict within myself. Between belonging and not belonging. Between loving and being driven mad. Between wanting to "stay" and to be with everyone and needing to leave and go my own way. I was a psychological and emotional mess for many, many years and whether this was caused by family dynamics or contributed to them isn't really very clear. Probably both. It's been a tough, painful and often lonely path trying to work with all the "stuff" but I am grateful to have had the opportunity to do so - and aware that much of the pain and confusion was/is simply the result of being a human being. Ultimately there is no blame or fault anywhere: we are, as humans, caught in the multiple webs of "ignorance" and do all sorts of things to each other which are unskilful and hurtful, as well as kind and loving.

Buddhist regard the human realm as a "blessed rebirth", because there is the opportunity to make real progress in terms of understanding the true nature of mind/reality. This is because of suffering. In some of the other realms, such as the "god realm" where everything is wonderful the entire time and people have a period of living without suffering, there is no motivation to change. The problem is that eventually the karma for such an experience is exhausted and the shock of falling to less pleasant realms is very great - and there are no resources to cope with this. So - although the human realm is full of suffering, this acts as a spur to make the kind of changes that will one day bring about the end of illusory mind and the dawning of enlightened mind.

So - suffering is good! Or rather, it is inevitable - and therefore, from the spiritual point of view, a good thing if it triggers a willingness to turn away from the traps and temptations and empty pleasures of worldly life. Many people feel that religions are punishing, that they breed a kind of miserable, bitter self-denial or that they condemn people if people don't follow the rules. This does happen, but I think this happens because spiritual truth in the hands of ordinary people leads to misinterpretation, misunderstanding and all sorts of strange behaviour and ideas. From my understanding of Buddhism, there is nothing wrong with worldly life - it's just that it is a false god, and will offer us nothing of any substance at the end of the day if it is pursued for itself alone. We are not ultimately worldy beings; we are spiritual beings living a worldy existence for a short period of time. And our suffering comes when the bigger picture of reality impinges on our ideas of how things should be... it opens us, therefore, to the Truth.

It's often said that the Truth is far too much for us to bear. The light too bright. The experience too shattering. When we die, we have an experience of this light. Buddhism talks about this as a point of liberation. If we recognise this light, and recognise it as ourselves, we are liberated from the compulsory cycle of birth and death, from karma. Most of us are afraid when we see the light and prefer what is familiar: we shy away and are once again caught on the winds of karma, destined to take rebirth somewhere. In a human realm if we are fortunate.

I had a strange experience last week whilst at Samye Ling that made me think of this teaching. It was whilst I was in the Guru Rinpoche empowerment ceremony, and had gone up to the teacher leading the initiation for a blessing. This always reminds me of going up to take communion with a priest. After his blessing, we all moved along a line of lamas who held sacred objects and individually touched us on the head or hands with each one. Towards the end of the line, one of the lamas appeared to make the sign of the cross above my head before pouring some amrita (blessed drink) into my hand. I was so shocked and all of a sudden everything in my mind stopped and there was just an experience of incredible light. I was frightened by this - and turned away from it. It would have overwhelmed me completely and ended every idea I had about myself.

When I was reminded of the death experience, and of this point of liberation, I realised perhaps this was a glimpse of the same thing. And like most people, I was not prepared for it, not able to take advantage of this experience - and so returned to ordinary view and "myself". It's a shame!! But it's also very useful to see what happened. And to appreciate how hard it really is to get beyond the mind that grasps so strongly at its self-constructed reality. This is perhaps why spiritual traditions encourage us to train our minds, to prepare ourselves, for these moments of unexpected liberation - so that one day, we can merge with this light and go beyond the illusion and limitations of ordinary mind.

Meanwhile.... as far as the Tara Peace Pilgrimage is concerned, I'm closer now to the placing of the Third Tara. She who is concerned with water-related dangers..

Water element

2006-07-07T06:09:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

I've reached the south of England and am close to the area where the Third Tara will be placed. It's clear that water-related problems affect far more places in the world than problems arising from the extreme activity of other elements. But it's also clear that all the elements are interrelated, and whilst one element may manifest in an extreme way (through floods, monsoons, tsunamis, etc), it is the imbalance in the relationship between the elements that is often the source of the problems that occur.

With respect to water, it seems that the balance between the life-sustaining and life-threatening qualities of water is particularly delicate. Many people choose to live in and around water: in fact over half the world's population lives by the sea, on rivers, estuaries or close to water. Not only does this traditionally provide water for domestic use, it has also been one of the major ways in which goods can be transported and economies can trade. It is perhaps not surprising therefore to find that problems with water dominate the lives of so many people.

Many civilisations have grown up around rivers and low-lying deltas: Egypt, China and Bangladesh are all parts of the world that depend heavily on their rivers, but are frequently at the mercy of their unpredictable behaviour. In 1988, 62% of the land in Bangladesh was under water when the Rivers Brahmaputra and Ganges burst their banks, pouring through villages, uprooting millions of people and killing over 2000. Last year, heavy rains and floodwater from India and Nepal caused some of the worst flooding Bangladesh has seen.

In China, the problems are even worse. Millions of people live along the River Yangtze and the Yellow River: flooding is common,and often severe. So bad is it for the peasants living close to the Yellow River that the river is known as "China's Sorrow". Regular flooding of the land generates very fertile soil, which is one of the great attractions of such areas, but the price to pay during monsoon times is often enormous. In 1991, the River Yangtze flooded an area 4/5 the size of Britain, killing thousands and making over a million people homeless.

Apart from the obvious devastation of loss of life, home, crops, animals and property, flooding brings other problems. In particular, disease. Without fresh water supplies, and with sewage systems (however primitive) ruptured, contaminated water becomes a real source of danger. Many more people die from the complications associated with floods than they do from the floods themselves.

The great engineering breakthrough of the last century produced the world's first dams. These promised to solve some of the problems of flooding and to exert some control over water's unpredictable and devastating power. The Old Aswan Dam, for example, significantly reduced the water problems along the Nile Delta in Egypt. It produced hydroelectric power, water for industry, sustainable agriculture throughout the year and an increase in the availability of safe domestic water. What no one foresaw were the long-term effects of controlling the rivers to that degree: Man's ingenuity had once again stopped short of understanding the full picture and what had seemed a blessing was being suddenly being hailed a curse as coastlines eroded, the sardine industry failed, soil lost its fertility and plagues of dangerous parasites were spawned.

Providing adequate protection for people and land on a long-term basis when it comes to water has so far proved an impossible task.

For those of us living in the Western world, floods have undoubtedly been a feature of life, but rarely on the scale of such countries as Egypt and the East. This may be about to change. As sea levels rise with the impact of global warming, so many of us face a very real battle with encroaching seas and rising water levels in rivers. In Britain, the area most under threat is the south-east of England, which is already slowly sinking into the sea, but which would suffer huge losses of land were sea levels to rise even by a little. Parts of Norfolk, Sussex, Essex, Kent are all vulnerable - and as the sea flows into the River Thames, even London will become waterlogged.

The River Thames has a long and colourful history; and it passes through some of the most beautiful towns and countryside in the south-east. It's a river that I know very well and have lived on for much of my life. It seems poignant to have chosen this part of the world, and this river in particular, for the placing of the Third Tara. Over the next week or so, I will be making something of a pilgrimage to various important points along the Thames, discovering some of its history, its beauty and its significance as a lifeline for what is currently one of the most affluent areas of the country.

Samye Ling

2006-06-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

The Drupchen - which is a long prayer festival - finished today with a Guru Rinpoche empowerment. It's been a very good and inevitably rather intense few days: the energy during such an event is very powerful and it's rather like entering a completely different reality.

The teacher who has led this week's Drupchen has been flown over from Tibet: he is a highly respected Rinpoche, and certainly has an awesome presence. Everyday for a week, monks, nuns and laypeople have been chanting and reciting Guru Rinpoche prayers from 8 am until 5 pm.

Guru Rinpoche is regarded as the most important figures within Tibetan Buddhism: this is because he established Buddhism in Tibet and had to transform many obstacles and negativities in order to do so. This particular capacity to transform obstacles is why he is so important today. He predicted that this would be a "degenerative" time when there would be increasing darkness in the form of negativity, planetary instability and many forms of physical and mental sickness. Doing Guru Rinpoche practice brings a lot of very strong positive energy to the world and to the "mind" of our planetary consciousness.

On Tuesday, we received a very special blessing. Akong Rinpoche handed all of us in the temple a small relic of Guru Rinpoche. The story behind this was rather incredible. During the time of Guru Rinpoche's teaching many hundreds of years ago, many treasure texts (terma) were hidden, to be revealed at later times when they would be of great relevance by tertons (treasure revealers). Guru Rinpoche foresaw the need for genuine relics and hid instructions for multipyling existing relics. This involved mixing them with elixirs and pressing them into special moulds. 4 moulds were made, of different sizes, and the substances used to make the original ones also came from a variety of terma. Guru Rinpoche's hair, special pills, fragments of the Guru's brocade for example.

It was widely believed that these moulds had been lost during the Cultural Revolution, but this year - in a seemingly effortless way - one of them was handed to Akong Rinpoche. This gave Rinpoche strong motivation to organise a Guru Rinpoche Drupchen at Samye Ling and to bring great teachers over for this purpose. In particular one Tibetan seer had had a vision of Guru Rinpoche whilst on retreat, and had been told that this was now the time to place many consecrated images in various countries. These would help to restore the balance of beings and of their environment, helping to combat diseases of the body and mind. The person who was to carry out this work had a name that began with "A". Eventually Akong Rinpoche was made aware of this, and he has undertaken to do this work.

So the relics we were given are indeed very precious and we all hold a responsibility to remember the wish and activity of Guru Rinpoche - and to encourage the spread of such positive energy in any way we can. Particularly through the building and consecrating of Guru Rinpoche images.

I was personally very struck by this, in the light of this journey to place images of Tara in different countries - where her particular activity and blessing will be of benefit. The many obstacles I have been aware of over the last week have surfaced and dissolved in the light of all these blessings.

In particular, I was concerned that the ongoing bleeding coming from my uterus was an indication that travelling was not the thing to be doing at the moment. I had an interview with Rinpoche and he assured me that what I am doing is important and must be continued. That I need not worry about my "health". He blessed the remaining Tara statues I have, and the cards I am selling, and I left feeling as if Tara's "instruction" to do this work was very genuine indeed. Despite the faith, I do have doubts because I feel rather alone doing this work and when obstacles arise, they really make me question what I'm doing. This week's Drupchen and Rinpoche's blessing and encouragement have removed those doubts - and given me more strength and courage for the journey ahead.

He also told me that the total amount needed for the 21 Tara Temples in South Africa was £20 million !!!!!!!!!! No problem! It's all a question of being in the right place at the right time, and basically being a channel that directs the funds from the sources that are already out there to the building of the shrines in Africa. All I have to do is the Tara practice - in prayer and in the activity of this journey.

So - for all of you that read this, I pray that the blessing reaches you too and removes any obstacles to your own health, wealth, happiness and "mundane and spiritual" accomplishment. And that this continues to radiate out to all beings everywhere. Om ah hung bendza guru pema siddhi hung.

Heading South

2006-06-25T04:36:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

This has been a hard week in some ways, and a happy one in others. I've been looking after Isaac, who's 13 and I've really enjoyed this time with him and even the unfamiliar responsibility of motherhood! I met Isaac when he was 4 and lived with him and his mother for a year on the Drum Estate in Edinburgh about 5 years ago. He is watching me write this, pulling faces and clearly paranoid that I am going to say something compromising.

Hello this is Isaac...Anna is a crazy lady..don't listen to her! Save yourself while you can!

Well, there we go. Such faith ...but he's probably right.

I have indeed felt a little crazy this week, rather wishing I hadn't embarked on
this journey since it's so big and I really don't like travelling!! However, I do believe in the journey and I hope I will grow into it as time goes on.

So I leave Edinburgh tomorrow and that's quite an emotional wrench. Parting company from dear friends, giving up the place that has been home for a few years now really. It's always here to come back to, but that doesn't have much impact when the nature of any journey like this involves such a stepping out into the Unknown.

I'm heading down to Samye Ling tomorrow, for the last days of the Drupchen and for a meeting with Akong Rinpoche - whose project in South Africa I am fundraising for. A Drupchen is a very intense practice: prayers are done for 24 hours, over a period in this case of 7 days. It's the first time in the history of Samye Ling that such an event has taken place and it's said to be a very powerful practice for removing obstacles and negativity. Many teachers have been flown over from Sherap Ling in India to do this practice, and it will probably be quite a spectacle - lots of ritual, colourful clothing, music. This particular Drupchen focusses on Guru Rinpoche, who was responsible for introducing Buddhism to Tibet from India.

More later!

Third Tara

2006-06-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

The Third Tara is "Tara protecting from floods". She protects from all water-related disasters and from the suffering and sickness arising from the negative aspect of desire. She's red in colour and holds a fire crystal in the lotus flower in her left hand.

I don't know whether this will be the case for each of the Taras, but there hss been a definite transition period between the second and third Taras. A period where the energy that built up around one dissolves to make way for the energy arising for the one that follows.

So we're in the "water element" and this has a very different feeling about it altogether. Whereas the earth element represented the stability and relative solidity (or not!) of the physical earth, the water element is much less fixed. It's fluid, malleable, adaptable; it's regarded as the "bearer of life", it transports and carries. It is strongly connected to emotions. Within the Buddhist understanding, the emotion of desire is the reason we are born in the human realm. It's the deep-rooted desire to exist, to be a particular "self", that produces the causes and conditions to manifest a human body.

So, in the quest for enlightenment - the liberation from misunderstanding - freeing ourselves from the negative aspects of desire must be seen as of central importance.

This is perhaps why renunciation is so often advocated and indeed demanded on any true commitment to a spiritual path. The mind is so gripped by habitual desire - which is a fundamental desire for happiness and pleasure - that it runs after all manner of things in the mistaken belief that Heaven, or at least relief from the craving, lies in the fulfilment of those desires. Most of us know from bitter experience that this just doesn't work. Renunciation is not a punishment, but rather a way to steer the mind towards what will truly satisfy desire and give rise to the peace of mind and joy that is enduring rather than fleeting.

True renunciation, however, is apparently rather different from renuncation externally imposed by an authority. The latter can often create problems: resentment, suppression, denial are all possible consequences of renouncing something in a superficial, premature or forced way. C.J.Jung, the Swiss psychoanalyst, believed that it was not possible to truly renounce anything until it had been fully embraced. In other words, you have to have made something a part of you, or at least have so thoroughly examined something that it has exhausted any potential to fascinate - and then renunciation comes quite naturally. Like an old skin falling away. No struggle. An effortless letting go.

Within the Vajrayana tradition, renunciation is a little more subtle than within some other traditions, where it underpins the way of life. A Theravadin monk or nun, for example, has renounced the worldly completely and lives an obviously simple, austere life where begging for alms is still commonplace. Within the Vajrayana, renunciation is very much a part of a monk or nun's commitments, but there is a strong emphasis on fully allowing and opening up to whatever arises within the mind - with a view to transforming, or seeing through, the content using the tools and practice of meditation. In this way, nothing need be rejected or pushed away - all experience can be brought to the spiritual path and be used to speed the process of realisation. So, desire is not a particular problem. Acting on desire might be, but desire itself is fine - it's there anyway so get to know its nature and work skillfully with it. And pray to channel the energy of desire into the ultimate desire for enlightenment!

Pluscarden Abbey

2006-06-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Spending a couple of days at Pluscarden Abbey outside Elgin wasn't obviously part of a Tara journey, and was more of a case of "well, I'm so close, I'd love to go back for a quick visit". Pluscarden Abbey is a Benedictine monastery, the most northerly in the world and not altogether typical: Benedictine monks usually wear black habits, but the Pluscarden community wear white. They are part of the Valliscauldian Order, which was originally founded in France as an attempt to bring more austerity and simplicity to life in a monastic community. As such, they are similar in some respects to the Cistercians and the Carthusians with their greater emphasis on silence, solitude and very strict discipline.

However, when I caught up with Fr Augustine whom I met several years ago now, he explained that the wearing of white had to do with the community's strong devotion to Our Lady. At a time when the Anglican Church was moving away from reverence to Mary, the then Anglican Order made the radical decision to convert to Catholicism and to continue its tradition of loving devotion to the Holy Mother.

This seemed to explain why I was so drawn to Pluscarden and why Our Lady at Pluscarden has such a prominent place in the liturgical and spiritual lives of the community.

I love the Divine Office and the very last office of the day, Compline, ends with the most beautiful prayer to Mary - called Salve Regina. At Pluscarden, the Office is still said not only in Latin, but the psalms are all prayed in Gregorian Chant. The whole experience is moving and very spiritual; the atmosphere in the chapel tangibly "holy". Just walking through the doors, there is a heavy silence that hangs in the air, saturated with peace and with the kind of presence that automatically quietens the mind, stops all attention from straying outside the purpose for which the chapel stands - prayer to God.

Bearing in mind that the second Tara also protects from the suffering and sicknesses arising from the negative emotion of pride, I realised that such an environment was the perfect place to reflect on the value of humility and the problems of pride. In fact, St Benedict himself stressed humility above almost all other qualities in the training of a monk. The chapter discussing the "twelve steps" of humility in The Rule of St Benedict (which every Benedictine monastery follows and every monk or nun studies)is one of the longest and most detailed.

It's a hard one. It stresses, for example, that the Abbot of a monastery must be regarded as God's direct representative - and that obedience to his/her instruction is essential and absolute. Such obedience mirrors the ultimate obedience to God that is the perfection of spiritual life. Knowing how difficult I personally find it to be told what to do, and in particular how to do it (unless I've asked), I was reminded of the stubborn pride and ego that is a strong part of my own nature.

To surrender the individual will to God's Will is the path of a monastic, and it is also the path of any spiritual aspirant. Reflecting on this, I spent a sleepless second night in a state of acute discomfort and anxiety - dreading Mass the following morning and dreading the commitments I'd made for the rest of that day,all of which involved some level of surrender to the spiritual. I was also in a lot of pain with my monthly cycle which has changed in character over the past few months - and seems to be pushing me into a kind of surrender in its own way. My ego was in revolt and was literally clinging on for dear life. I couldn't get a sense of what it was clinging to, but since very muscle in my body was rigid, fear and clinging were definitely going on! I've experienced this before many times and always when something much more powerful than me (God, Spirit, an empowerment, whatever) is inviting me in. I KNOW it's a blessing and gives rise to greater joy, peace and light - but the unconscious resistance is huge each time, and that communicates itself as fear. So when the Bible talks of having "fear of God", this is exactly what it means to me. It's not really a fear of God, but rather a fear that the ego has of losing its control and being displaced in favour of God. Humility opens the door to receiving this power and this Grace without being burned in the process; once the ego has been removed from its self-created throne (and pride will keep it in place), the experience of such divinity is much more comfortable.

Shambala

2006-06-12T03:26:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Yesterday was an important day in the Buddhist calendar: the day of the Buddha's birth, enlightenment and passing. I spent the day at the new Buddhist centre up here in Findhorn, which I had visited a few years ago when it was still part of the Findhorn Foundation and known as Minton House. It's a very beautiful place set right on the bay with the most gorgeous views. The story of how it came to be purchased by the Shambala Trust is one of many miracles and there can be no doubting the significance of this centre now and in years to come.

There are many things I would like to write but first I must ask permission to do so.

In the meantime....

The day began with an "animal liberation" ceremony, led by the resident nun Venerable Angie. Worms were placed on the altar for prayers before being released into the earth - these worms had been bought from a fishing shop, where they were to be used as bait. It struck me, as we listened to how prayers and such activity would prevent suffering for the worms, that with the amount of violence in our world today it is very easy to ridicule such actions. To see them as tiny and unimportant in comparison to the enormous problems surrounding us. But when we are encouraged to see all beings as precious, all beings as having the same basic nature as ourselves, small acts of kindness become shining examples of a way of being that cuts the root of violence and restores peace and harmony to our minds and to the world around us. It also brings joy and hope, positive optimism, to realise that we can make a difference - every day, in anything we turn out attention to, and that this is the real revolution and change humanity is moving towards.

After the children had released the worms in a safe space, we were told that the oystercatchers had just hatched and the little chicks needed to be helped to safety by the sea. The adults had laid their eggs on a nest in the driveway - bizarrely - and were a bit distressed by our moving the 3 little birds. But it was necessary for them to be able to reach the sea, which they apparently did later that day.

Prayers continued later in the afternoon with a long Medicine Buddha puja, followed by the 21 Praises to Tara. The day concluded with Gordon leading a Tibetan Gong and Bowl meditation: huge gongs and several bowls whose sound vibrate and resonate to different tones and notes. It was a powerful experience - after a while the body seems to disappear and all you feel is the sound pulsing through the empty space that was once the body. I felt a bit sick at one point and i think that was just a reflection of what was happening and of the intensity - they can remove blocks apparently and bring healing and profound shits in awareness. I believe it!

I am off today to Pluscarden Abbey near Elgin.... the most northerly Benedictine monastery in the world, where the Divine Office is still sung in Gregorian Chant. Wonderful!

Findhorn

2006-06-10T03:18:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Leaving Skye on Thursday, Emma and I planned to spend the night in Glen Affric, but a road accident blocked the road between Fort Augustus and our destination so we were obliged to drive up the eastern side of Loch Ness and head straight into Inverness. Loch Ness lies along what looks like a geological fault line cutting across the north-west of Scotland - it's an eerie loch, there's no doubt. The depth of the waters give it a dark, slightly sinister appearance and its sheer size means that the waters get really quite choppy when the wind stirs.

Our journey was heading to Findhorn anyway, so we decided to bring it forward - and arrived late afternoon in what felt like the midst of a heatwave. Back to camping - and an altogether different experiece this time!

Findhorn is a fascinating place and very much somewhere to take notice of when it comes to ways in which our future might be safeguarded on this planet. It began some 40 years ago whe 3 people - Eileen and Peter Caddy and Dorothy Maclean - were guided to come and live in this part of the world. For 6 years they shared a caravan and committed themselves to a simple, spiritually-focussed life where their daily meditations would give clear and specific instructions towards realising their vision. This vision led to what is now an international community, world-renowned, and ever-innovative in ways of developing practical and ecological ways of grounding spiritual ideals in the everyday way in which we live. Thousands of volunteers have lent skills and time over the years, in particular towards the building projects -- and the buildings that are here today are astounding in their integration of ecological design and aesthetic beauty. There are straw-bale homes, homes built from huge whisky barrels, chalets with turf rooves - in the Field of Dreams, all the homes are built to a particular standard where insulation is ultra-efficient, solar panels are the norm and water systems feed into the community sewerage system which uses plants and natural filtration for decomposition and purification. All the electricity for the community is provided by 3 wind turbines.

It's an inspiring place - all the more so because it is one of the first of its kind. Ecovillages are springing up all over the world now and together with their emphasis on social/cultural harmony, spiritual practice, ethical business incentives and ecological design are fast becoming the "way of the future". They offer us a sustainable way of living on the earth, and with each other, and really do seem to offer a way of life that is peaceful, harmonious, creative and enriching.

The Quiraing

2006-06-08T03:37:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Emma and I set off on Sunday 3rd June for the next leg of the journey. I'm on the road now, having packed up my things and left The Salisbury Centre. Travelling this first week with Emma wasn't scheduled, but since she'd taken a week's holiday and was planning to go to the same part of Scotland at exactly the same time, we realised it couldn't be coincidence and decided to travel together.

After a long, cold Spring, the warm sunny weather we've had since we left is very welcome. And there are few places more beautiful than Scotland in the sunshine. Heading north up the A82, we drove through Callander, Crianlarich, stopping for a cup of tea brewed on the stove by a small loch before reaching Fort William in the late afternoon. Turning west, we drove towards Mallaig where we would take the ferry the following morning for the Isle of Eigg. We'd been told to stay in Arisaig, 3 miles short of Mallaig - a real beauty spot with white sands and a hint of the Caribbean. What we'd failed to appreciate was the reason Scotland is not, nor ever will be, overpopulated.....but as we arrived at our campsite and prepared to erect the tent that had still not been out of its bag, the fog became the least of our problems as the dreaded midge homed in on its unsuspecting prey. The entire population of west Scotland's midges in fact. Everyone else was inside. We screamed, swotted, ran up and down and initiated a tribal dance to deflect the enemy's advances as we pitched our home for the night. Diving into the sleeping quarters as soon as they were up, we were then trapped, not daring to emerge again until the following morning. Emma, in her wisdom, had brought the only midge repellent known to protect even a soldier on exercise on the west coast - Avon's Skin So Soft. The cosmetic body oil is so wonderfully toxic that, as well as giving me asthma, it stopped the midge from feasting on succulent flesh and I awoke with only 3 bites. Passing a less fortunate woman in the showers, I realised the midge shows no mercy and Avon have done the world a favour.

The next morning, the fog took some time to clear but when it did, we were rewarded with stunning views of the Small Isles and Skye - and a spot of yoga down by the sea on those brilliant velveteen white sands. We'd decided Eigg was no longer the place to go - it was Skye.

We took the ferry from Mallaig to Armadale and headed up to the north-east of Skye, along the Trotternish Peninsula in the direction of Staffin.

Little did I know how skillfully Tara was leading us.

Beyone Portree, the Trotternish Peninsula begins, marked dramatically by a rock formation known as The Old Man of Storr. Our hostel (forget camping) was north of Staffin, in a village called Floddigarry, directly opposite the Quiaraing - a well-known destination for hikers. Our hostel was an absolute jewel: once part of the 4star hotel next door, our views were worth at least £100 pppn.

I'd been to the Quiraing before - and had had one of those strange experiences of being 'transported' to another time and place - so I knew it was a special place. J.R. Tolkein visited Skye as a child and it's easy to see how such a landscape might have inspired the world that he created in Lord of the Rings.

What I didn't know was how the Quiraing had been formed. A geology student had left a copy of her thesis in the hostel, investigating the origins of today's rock formation up on the Quiraing. As I began to read it the fact we'd ended up here rather than on Eigg began to dawn on me as nothing short of a miracle.

The Trotternish Peninsula is dominated by a lava escarpment which was subject to extensive "failure" during the Quaternary period, resulting in the largest and most spectacular landslides in the British Isles. The most impressive and most dramatic of these is the Quiraing - which it seems is, to this day, still marginally unstable in places. Particularly around the Floddigarry area.

So here we were. This Tara, whose particular activity is to protect from earth-related disasters such as earthquakes, landslides, avalanches, etc had brought us to the most perfect site in the UK.

The following day we began the fairly difficult climb to the top of the Quiraing. Our appreciation of the natural beauty greatly enriched by our recent knowledge of how it evolved, and by the awareness that thousands and thousands of years were embodied in the rocks beneath our feet. A geologist's study had revealed that the face of the escarpment was made up of two dominant lava types - and that these, because they overlay a much softer Jurassic layer of clay, would have established unstable slope conditions. During the last Ice Age, glaciers flowed through this part of the world and settled here. This process, followed eventually by deglaciation, resulted in a significant weakening of the rock and a number of dramatic landslides took place.

Walking through the landscape, we were struck by the way in which nature will take a hold anywhere she can - and that life will continue at the first opportunity. The most delicate of flowers grew in obscure, remote and barren parts of the escarpment.

After a 2-mile walk, our path suddenly ascended steeply and we scrambled up along the path (Emma like a mountain goat, myself an urban chick). We were heading for the Table, the very top of the Quiraing at a height of nearly 600metres. We were pretty much alone by this point, and the silence was eerie - simply us and the ravens, and a rather wild wind. Reaching this magnificent green lawn on top of a mountain was a bit like finding paradise. Tara was placed in the ground close to a small stone circle, prayers were recited and our mission accomplished.

Musings...

2006-05-31T02:13:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

I woke up feeling anxious this morning - which usually makes me want to cry, hide or run away! However, I realised this was an opportunity to take a good look into the nature of this anxiety and fear: after all, the very essence of Tara is protection from fear.

In many spiritual teachings, I've heard the same message: there are really only two forces at play within us - love and fear. Love is our true nature and fear is everything else, created and sustained by our ego. The fundamental problem with the human condition is our belief that we have an independent, self-existing, separate, fixed "I" .... which we need to feed, clothe, look after, provide entertainment for, reproduce, protect from pain, steer towards pleasure. We are responsible for the survival of ourselves, in the form that we perceive ourselves. We become rather attached to ourselves, and attached to what we believe is good for us and averse to what we believe is harmful.

This is all very sensible at face value. However, if we consider the consequences of millions of "I"s on the planet trying to secure their individual survival and happiness, there are many reasons why this view and behaviour is problematic. If resources are abundant, there is more likely to be relative harmony between individuals, but when they run out or are threatened, competitiveness and conflict increase. If I believe that I need all these things to survive, then I am going to be afraid if I don't have them - and resent you if you do have them. This seed of aggression towards you may grow until I truly believe I have to get rid of you somehow, or steal from you, in order to protect my own interests.

Even in times of abundance, because of this root drive to live according to the ego's belief system, my needs will just grow and grow until yesterday's luxury has become today's necessity. Greed spirals out of control until we're living in a kind of madness, obsessed with materialism, consuming all the time, blaming everyone "in power" for not giving us everything we want or for anything that doesn't work out for us.... and actually, for all that we have, utterly miserable.
Ignoring the fact that half the world's population is dying through famine, poverty and disease.

So - fear is really a very big problem. Acutely uncomfortable to experience and therefore hidden within other emotions such as anger, pride, jealousy. Fear makes us aware of our vulnerability and, without compassion and kindness, this can be really unpleasant.

But when we feel fear - raw, neat fear - we are in touch with something in a more direct, naked way. Which seems to bring us closer to the truth of who we really are. We are vulnerable. We are subject to uncontrollable forces of change that include ageing, sickness, death and losses of many kinds. Everything that exists is impermanent. So to rely on a lie such as the one that the ego perpetuates is very dangerous and very unwise. We suffer. We cause suffering to others.

When Buddhism talks of wisdom, it is referring to the state of innate "knowing" where the truth of existence and reality is no longer obscured. Tara is the essence of wisdom, the embodiment of wisdom when in form. It is through wisdom that all fear falls away - because we see things the way they really are, and in that view there is nothing to fear.

This is why it has always made sense to me to follow such a path. Buddhism works for me, but other traditions offer similar teaching and lead to the same "goal" . There a selfishness in it: I don't want to suffer..... but perhaps it's a wiser selfishness that some other kinds! I also appreciate that, if I were to truly understand the nature of myself, I wouldn't be afraid to suffer. I'd see the illusion of self and suffering, and this would liberate me from the kind of identification that blocks the all-pervading reality of compassion, peace and joy.

I have a very long way to go... but experiencing the fear of leaving home, losing a home and heading out into the world without really knowing where I'm going or what is going to happen, reminds me of the value of a spiritual path that can support us through major changes and uncertainties. Complacency and pride are fickle friends in a world where nothing is really as it seems...

Second Tara

2006-05-30T03:53:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Last few days of having a home...not sure what it's going to be like being without one, but I'll get used to it. The next leg of the journey begins on Sunday, and the second Tara will be placed during the next two weeks - somewhere in Scotland.

The second Tara protects from 'earth-related disasters' and from the negative emotion of pride. Because of the nature of interdependence, nothing in the external world exists separately from us and all the Taras are described as simultaneously protecting us from external and internal forces of destruction and suffering. Earth-related disasters are obvious in the form of earthquakes, volcanoes, landslides, but it could be argued that what we are all facing now, as climate chaos increases, is an earth-related disaster on a massive scale. It is hard to see the link between human activity and shifting plates deep within the Earth's structure, but not so hard to see the direct link between the burning of fossil fuels, increased carbon dioxide levels and global warming.... leading to melting ice caps, rising sea levels, enlarged areas of desert, severe drought, dying vegetation, and on and on. If we are caught in the negative state of pride, believing in a kind of Western, capitalist superiority, refusing to see how damaging our actions can be, refusing to accept what's happening and refusing to see that we need to change, then we are directly contributing to the death of our planet. And ourselves in the process.

During the travels with the second Tara, I'll be exploring and finding out more about what's happening to the Earth, what is causing these problems and the things we can do - and are being done - to restore the balance and bring us back into harmonious relationship with our home. Perhaps leaving the safety and security of a physical home in bricks and mortar will open my eyes to the deeper relationship I have, we all have, with this planet as home.

Lindisfarne

2006-05-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

First Tara...

2006-05-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

Every year I pay a visit to Holy Island Lindisfarne, in the most north-easterly corner of England. I set off there for the weekend and - quite unexpectedly - realised when I was there that this was the beginning of the Tara Trail...

It was here that two remarkable men came to teach the Christian message in the 7th Century: Aidan and his successor, Cuthbert. The Northumbrian folk of the time were considered to be "barbarians" and had refused all previous attempts to be converted to Christianity - but Aidan, an Irish monk sent out from Iona in Scotland, had been successful in his mission and had established a flourishing religious community on Lindisfarne. It was Cuthbert, however, who made the greatest impression on the people and who, even today, attracts pilgrims from far and wide.

His story was written down by the great Benedictine scholar, Bede and this is why we know so much about him now. As a young man, he worked as a shepherd on the mainland across from Lindisfarne. One night he saw a vision: angels appeared to come down from the sky and returned, carrying something in their wings. Aidan died that same night, resting against the walls of Lindisfarne Priory, and when Cuthbert was told of this, his resolve was immediate. He went straight to Melrose Abbey, where he announced his intention to become a monk and to commit his life to Christ. The Abbot of Melrose, Boisil, welcomed him warmly and saw unusual potential in this young man from the beginning. When the plague hit the monastery, Boisil died and Cuthbert was spared - he came to Lindisfarne (perhaps using the now famous pilgrim route, St Cuthbert's Way) and was made Abbot. He was greatly loved and respected by the people and the Church - gentle, devout, steadfast, strong. Stories recount how he would stand all night in prayer, with his feet in the sea, warmed by otters that emerged from the freezing waters.

As his popularity grew, so Cuthbert began to yearn for greater solitude and privacy - not so much to retreat from the world, as to draw closer to God and to God alone. His first hermitage was built on a small part of the island that was cut off by the tides for several hours of each day. Known as St Cuthbert's Isle, it looks out over the mainland and over the Farne Islands, which were to become his home in later years.

It's on this Isle that the first Tara has been placed. This particular Tara is peaceful - white in colour and serene in countenance. She brings harmony and she pacifies suffering through peaceful means. The island is a haven of natural peace and this, together with its rich spiritual heritage, seems an appropriate home for this Tara.

In leaving her here, I reflected on the personal significance of this site. My own spiritual awakening happened through Christ and took place in my 20's; Lindisfarne was one of the first places I came to on retreat and I felt a sense of "home" here that has never changed. Truly a place where "the veil between God and Man grows thin", it has effortlessly pulled me into an inner experience of God that has given peace, joy, inspiration, direction and faith.

My interest in Buddhism was not through disillusionment with Christianity, but was through wanting to go deeper into the mysteries of faith, wanting to find a way to get back to a particular experience I'd had that completely changed my life. I'd experienced, one night in a vision, a personal encounter with Christ and been quite literally overwhelmed by the love and compassion pouring from his eyes - it had left me in a state of bliss and of absolute peace for several days, and had given me a taste of something I knew I would never find on earth. So perfect was it, and so completely and utterly fulfilling, there was no real choice but to spend the rest of this life finding a way to be truly one with that Love.

When I encountered the Buddhist teachings, and particularly those of the more mystical Vajrayana or Tantric school, I realised that this state of bliss was not dissimilar from the experience of enlightenment, the end of suffering, the flowering of the full potential as human beings. And that there were specific methods, a very clear path and highly qualified teachers..all of which could support and guide me on this journey to full awakening.

To some degree I had to leave Christianity in order to follow the Buddhist path: it was just too confusing to follow them both. But in my heart of hearts, I could never completely leave because I could never deny or turn my back on that experience of meeting Christ. If that is what happened. It seemed very appropriate, therefore, to remember and honour these roots by leaving Tara in a quintessentially Christian place. Sitting in the ruined remains of St Cuthbert's hermitage, I was reminded of the unity of all faiths, and also the marriage of the masculine and the feminine. It is so easy to focus too narrowly and to become convinced that the path we resonate with is the only true path: it may be the right path for one person, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's right for everyone. In the end there is no division, there is no conflict, no separation - all of that is human and born of our human condition. There is only the One, and by whatever name it is called, through whatever tradition we seek it, I really believe it is the same truth, the same essence. We are wise to remember our equality and our sameness, even as we celebrate and respect our diversity and differences.

Preparing...

2006-05-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

Well, it's just taken me half an hour to work out to get back into this blog.....such is my natural affinity with technology. For a brief moment, I feared the entire epic odyssey was going to be limited to a one-page introduction and that you'd be left dangling on a cliff-edge wondering whether I'd dissolved into emptiness before I'd even left Edinburgh. This might of course be a safer, less expensive and more rapid path to Enlightenment, but for the time being I appear to still have ordinary form.

Today, I've been researching video cameras. The sales rep was a very enthusastic young man, who jumped up and down at the prospect of my buying a MAC computer to facilitate editing my own film.... spat on the floor and said it was all a question of image.... "they just look gorgeous. I don't want to be sexist but it used to be just women who went for the image, but now it's men as well. No one thinks about technology or quality anymore". Hmmmmmmmm.........

I think I'm going to buy a Mac.

Introduction......

2006-05-15T03:34:00.000-07:00

Hello.... it's pouring with rain here in Edinburgh, but the leaves on the trees are so lush and the air is dripping with the unfolding of new life. I'm planning. Preparing for the trip that begins at the end of May. Not that I really know where I'm going......

This is a journey of inspiration. You know that wonderful experience when your mind is quite calmly doing its own thing and then...whoosh!....some bright idea pops in and you feel a great upsurge of energy. So easy to dismiss these moments, but when I'm free enough to pay attention, they become clues on a path, lights in the darkness of the unknown.

This is a mad idea really. Set out from home base in Edinburgh, with no idea where you're going, and take with you 20 small statues of Tara, a video camera, passport and dictaphone. Take these Taras to wherever in the world you are "instructed" to go. Your instructions will come through spiritual practice, intuition and coincidence. Have complete faith and live the journey with the intention of doing Tara's will.

OK!

Why 20 small statues? Well, the Tibetan Buddhist deity of Green Tara is described as having an entourage of 20 other Taras - each one having her own particular activity in the general field of fearless compassion and liberation from suffering. Whilst the central figure of Green Tara embodies all the qualities and activities of all the Buddhas, it can be helpful to pray to a specific Tara if there is a very specific problem.

So - that's just a bit of background. Enough for today.