Healing Emotions

This subject is worthy of a book in itself, but just a few thoughts here. When emotions stir, they affect the whole of the mind and body, and the stronger they are, the more disturbance they create. Dealing with our emotions in a healthy way can be difficult - and first of all we need to know how to do that.

Buddhism emphasises a peaceful way of life, and this has sometimes been misunderstood as NOT having any emotions - or thoughts for that matter. Becoming some kind of blank slate that wanders through life unaffected and unperturbed by anything. Whilst becoming increasingly stable mentally and emotionally is a definite goal, and result, of practicing Buddhism correctly, this is not attained through suppression or denial of emotion or thought.

Emotions and thoughts are hard to separate. Have you ever cried without a whole storyline accompanying the tears? Or shouted in anger without a whole list of reasons why you're angry? We have a strong habit of taking our emotions very seriously in the West: the pendulum swinging from the Victorian refusal to acknowledge or express emotion to the more recent tendency to "let it all hang out"... and then find someone to blame and probably take them to court and sue them.

Within Buddhism, we are taught to take our emotions more lightly. And to find ways of bringing our emotions "onto the path", of developing compassion through them, as well as a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. Emotions are described as clouds that pass across the sky, temporarily obliterating the sun - which is our true nature. When we caught in the drama of the clouds, we enter confusion and a lot of suffering. If we can stay a little detached and observe the drama, whilst remembering that it will all pass and doesn't have to "mean" anything at all, then we are more likely to return to peace quickly, and handle the situation provoking those emotions more calmly and skillfully.

Emotions are never regarded as bad things. They arise. They are part of our experience. Acting them out can cause problems - just as repressing them can. We have to find the middle way. Feel them, accept them and use them. Being able to open to them is easier for some than for others; they can be overwhelming and often they are very painful. This is why we want to get rid of them: either by throwing them onto someone else (shouting, blaming, etc) or by ignoring them. Both of these methods create tension, stress and suffering. If we can open to them without resistance, then they become a source of great wealth, of a great sense of homecoming.

There is a term in Buddhism called "bodhicitta" - the awakened heart. Without bodhicitta, there can be no real progress in spiritual understanding or development. So bodhicitta is really very fundamental. Through the arising and opening to our emotions, we directly connect with our heart. When we feel pain, in whatever form, just as it is without DOING anything to it or explaining it in any way, we find ourselves directly in touch with something very tender in the heart of our being. Very tender and very soft. This is the source of our compassion and understanding. For ourselves, for others, for the relative truth of suffering which all beings experience. It is this softening around our emotions, or in the face of someone experiencing strong emotion, that allows the emotions to subside of their own accord. And which allows the real connection to take place: a connection that has often been missing and whose absence is often the very reason the painful emotion is there in the first place. We are all looking for connection and love. Because that is the truth of our being. We are looking for ourselves, looking for that love that is already at the very heart of ourselves.

As we develop, there is a very particular practice called "tonglen" that is simple and immensely powerful in its ability to transform emotion. In many positive visualisation techniques, we are taught to breathe in and imagine good things coming in, and to breathe out pain and suffering. In "tonglen", we do the opposite. We breathe in all the suffering and negativity and breathe out all the joy, love and peace. This is only appropriate once bodhicitta has arisen, but at this point, the tender heart is so completely capable of transforming any pain and suffering quite naturally and without effort INTO compassion, peace and love (joy if you're lucky - that tends to come a bit later!) that this is simply the most effective way of dealing with suffering - our own or anyone else's. This technique will erode the ego, and since the ego is the whole cause of suffering in the first place, it can only lead to greater and greater freedom and happiness.

Healing Tara

Invited into this space now is Tara protecting from Sickness, whose function is very similar to that of the Medicine Buddha. Sickness and disease are outward signs of imbalance within the body's elements; inner disturbance is harder to see but causes just as much and sometimes even more suffering. This Tara protects us from the causes and conditions resulting in disease and sickness and from fears related to them.

She is described as being yellow-green in colour, and as holding the same emblem as the Medicine Buddha: the healing arura plant.

In our world at the moment, there is a lot of sickness and disease, both physical and mental. And increasingly environmental. Within the Buddhist view, these are brought about through imbalance in the elements. All form comes into being through the "coagulating" of the 5 main elements: earth, water, fire, air and space. All disharmony within that form is caused by disarray amongst those elements. Strengthening and restoring balance between the elements gives us the best protection against disease and sickness, on every level - and whether that means balancing and strengthening the elements within our environment, our bodies or our minds, it doesn't matter. The methods relating to each one may be different, but the basic intention is the same.

One of the hardest things about this Tara journey is that i have to relate personally and directly to each of the fears, and use my own experience as the material to bring to consciousness, trusting the transformation that occurs through working with that particular Tara. Through working with myself, I hope to understand others more deeply, to understand the human condition more fully and so to bring benefit to others, and to myself. There is no point pretending i'm above and beyond all of these fears and problems. I'm not, but I have found a way to work with them that seems to make a real difference, and my wish through this writing is to pass that on to anyone who feels a connection with this work.

So - today - I woke up feeling pretty terrible, with lots of inner disturbance! All in the form of anxiety, which dissolved as the morning wore on into real sadness and an unstoppable flow of tears. The thoughts that accompanied this experience were: "i've given up so much to do this work and sometimes i wonder if it's worth it. My money is running out; i have no home; i have no deep place of belonging; no person to belong with at the deepest level of "earth". i fell in love with and still love someone who i'm too far away from. i'm doing what i'm doing for the bigger picture of love, but if it's making me so unhappy, what am i really doing?" Right now it doesn't help to know that homes, relationships, money are all impermanent anyway. They may be, but on the earth element level of basic security and happiness, they have their place and are important. Of course they can each bring problems and are not solutions in themselves, but they are visceral and they are to be worked with - not denied and avoided.

So I guess, examining this, the element that is out of balance here is the earth element. And if I am to bring Tara protecting from sickness into play, this is the element we will have to work with. i'm not quite sure what this is going to mean, but i open myself to discovering and implementing the healing path.

Enough for now.

Medicine Buddha

After the Medicine Buddha empowerment given by Akong Rinpoche in Edinburgh, healing has come to the forefront of my mind again. Within the Tibetan tradition, all medicine is created and viewed spiritually as well as physically. All sickness and disease begins with disharmony in the elements of the body, which is generated through physical or mental imbalance within the mind and/or outer environment. The greatest physicians in Tibet are usually "khenpos"; these are people who have very high levels of scholastic ability and accomplishment, often completing up to 15 years of study in Buddhist philosophy before such a title is conferred. Training in Tibetan medicine is additional to this.

The karmic causes and conditions for disease and sickness are impossible for the ordinary mind to know, but a highly realised Master will see not just the "display" of the sickness itself very clearly, but what has given rise to it in the first place. Any medicine prescribed will often be a combination of physical substances and treatments (herbs, acupuncture, certain exercises) and spiritual practices. Dorje Sempa, for example, for the purification of negative karma and its associated obscurations; Medicine Buddha for healing; Tara for fear; White Tara for long life. Any practice that works directly on the mind and how the mind is contributing to or causing imbalance will be advised. Occasionally spiritually blessed medicine, known as "dutsi", will be given. Dutsi consists of over 100 herbs ground into tiny grains over the course of 7-days when prayers are recited by one or more realised masters 24 hours a day. The positive benefit of taking dutsi is said to be very great indeed.

I am staying at Samye Ling now, where by good fortune both Rinpoche and Lama Yeshe are in residence at the same time. Yesterday was Medicine Buddha day and the monthly puja was held in the recently consecrated Medicine Buddha shrine room at the top of the temple. I'd not been there before and doing the practice in a room dedicated to the Medicine Buddha was a happy experience. Someone had put my name down on the list of people to pray for, and it was something of a shock to hear my name being read out! So there i was, having been invited to sit up with the senior sangha, falling off this illustrious perch into the humbling and strange experience of praying for myself as a sick person!!!

The Medicine Buddha has also "empowered" my healing work and development, and this year is no exception. Many ideas and insights are arising, both in terms of working with the healing energies of Tara in particular, and in terms of developing the healing channels through Reiki. It's time to do Reiki III.

Meanwhile, the work with the next Tara - Tara protecting from sickness and inner disturbance - has started....... more next time!

Holy Island

Tara protecting long life and spiritual practice was placed on Friday morning up at the retreat cabin on Holy Island built for HH Karmapa. I arrived on the island on Wednesday, travelling easily and quickly from Ardrossan to Brodick on the Arran ferry, hopping on the bus down to Lamlash and then taking the little boat over to the island. From Arran, the island is clearly visible, rising up like a great mountain from the water. Protected by its proximity to Arran at the north end, the short crossing to the island takes place on a regular basis during the summer months, but perhaps only twice a week during winter. Volunteers were waiting to greet us, rushing to put down the wooden jetty, but it took a couple of attempts to bring the boat close enough to the jetty. Walking up to the Centre for World Peace and Health, eight small stupas line the path and remind the visitor of the Buddhist presence on the island - a presence that is very discreet and subtle once you're inside the centre.

The island itself is a rare natural haven for wildlife and a great deal of work has already been done, and continues to be done, to preserve the island's delicate ecology. The Centre itself has been designed to have minimal impact on the environment - solar panels, reed beds, organic gardens and proposed wind turbines all reduce energy expenditure; whilst the planting of native trees and the clearing of invasive non-indigenous plants enhance the original habitat.

The walk to the retreat cabin stretches from one end of the island to the other; and at first light on Friday, I set off with Tara in my pocket, listening to the high screetch of seagulls as I wandered along the rocky path saying mantras and watching the oystercatchers scuttling along the beach, the Soay sheep clambering up and down the rocks, the calm waters of the bay lapping gently at the water's edge. The south end of the island is much more exposed and in high winds, it's virtually impossible to walk that far - but today it was calm and mild and there were no problems. Except that I missed my footing on one rock and sunk deep into the mud at one point.

As you approach the south end, you pass a series of rock paintings: first there is White Tara, then Green Tara.... and then some of the founders of the Kagyu lineage, namely Marpa, Gampopa, Milarepa. The lighthouse at the south end comes into view and a collection of converted cottages: this is now the women's retreat centre and has recently hosted the first traditional long-term retreat for women in Britain. Beyond the perimeter of the fence and the path turns sharply to the left and begins to make the steep ascent to the top. A few hundred yards along the path, a small private path winds its way up to the retreat cabin.

Reaching the cabin, I turned round and stared at the view across the sea, with the southern tip of Arran visible to the right of the island. The sense of space, of light, of emptiness was immense - it was the right place for a meditation and retreat cabin. Through the little gate and into the garden, I was amused to see the name "Wisdom Palace" etched in wood at the entrance to this large but very simple wooden hut. Who needs material riches to live wealthily?? It's all in the mind.

Having done three koras of the cabin, I planted Tara in the centre of the little stone garden. May Karmapa's life be protected and may his wish to do retreat on Holy Island be fulfilled quickly and without obstacles.

Edinburgh

I arrived last week in Edinburgh and had to deal with one or two unexpected things within the first 24 hours - which were upsetting and shocking, but which provided emotional material to transform as quickly as possible through the blessing of Rinpoche's visit here.

Attending the Green Tara empowerment at the Botanical Gardens was very helpful; as was the following day's Medicine Buddha empowerment at the Royal College of Physicians. This was a real "first" and a great honour for Rinpoche to be invited to host a traditional Tibetan spiritual ceremony in the hallowed halls of a very conservative "temple to Western medicine". It was a beautiful space: very ornate and full of history, a gathering place for the most learned and accomplished of doctors and physicians of this part of the world. Very appropriate for this particular ceremony, and we were all moved by the meeting of Western and Eastern medicine on this occasion.

Being back in Edinburgh feels temporary. I didn't want to leave last summer, but I did leave - and the emotional ties here are largely gone. Some unfinished business with one or two people, and always the pleasure of spending time with dear friends, but no sense of belonging here anymore.

I'm going to Roslin this afternoon - the famous chapel thought to be connected to the Knight's Templars and the Magdalene line. I love it there. Very particular spiritual energy, which is hard to describe but is definitely "feminine" and quite earthy. Roslin is said to lie at the crown of a strong earth-line that runs down through France and ends/starts at the pilgrimage centre of Santiago de Compostela in Spain. Since France has emerged as the destination for Tara protecting from Sickness, it is good to have the opportunity to go to Roslin at this point.

Long life

The retreat is complete and I am now on the road again, ready to place the last 4 Taras. White Tara merged with Tara protecting from Untimely Death and I am taking this Tara to Holy Island, Arran.

Holy Island is a very special place; once the home of a Celtic Christian hermit, St Molaise, it has a long history of spiritual practice and protection. It was bought by the Buddhists a few years ago, after the owner of the island had a vision from Mary instructing her to sell the island to the Buddhists. Lama Yeshe, meanwhile, Abbot of Samye Ling, Retreat Master and now Director of the Holy Island project, had a vision whilst in retreat in the States of an island that he would once be custodian for. When he visited Holy Island, he recognised it as the island he had seen in his vision.

Down at the south end of the island, the former lighthouse cottages have been converted to a women's retreat centre. The first group of women ever to do the traditional 3-year, 3-month long retreat recently completed their time and the centre is currently hosting individuals doing shorter retreats until the next big one in 2010. High up on the hillside above the women's retreat, a special cabin has been built for His Holiness Karmapa - who has expressed a particular wish to do retreat there. This is the destination for this particular Tara.

En route, I am spending a little time in Edinburgh, arriving (by chance if you believe such things) in time for Akong Rinpoche's weekend of teaching, talks, visits and empowerments to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the founding of Samye Ling. There will be a Green Tara and Medicine Buddha empowerment - which should re-charge the spiritual battery big style!!

All told, this feels like the final leg of the journey - and with just 4 more Taras to place, the end is in sight. May all beings benefit!